


Boredom is Deadly

by preciousann



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Dark Harry, Gary Stu, Gen, Mary Sue, Master of Death Harry Potter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-08 08:59:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 40,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4298700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/preciousann/pseuds/preciousann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For Harry, the ‘next great adventure’ isn't really all that great. After two-thousand years of dealing with the whining souls of the dead, he decides to spice things up a bit…by returning to his first year at Hogwarts. Crackfic! MOD!Harry Darkish!Harry GaryStu!Harry with a twist. NO Bashing!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How NOT to Plan an Alternate Reality

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings
> 
> Character Death  
> Dark Themes  
> Mild Language  
> Dark Comedy Moments  
> This is a crackfic, so do not take it very seriously.  
> Harry is OOC and unstoppable, due to being the Master of Death. (Hence the story being a crackfic. I find one cannot write a GaryStu! (Brother of Mary Sue) Harry without it being a crackfic, simply because the story could not be taken seriously. However, this story has a major twist, and it is not your normal GaryStu!Harry.)
> 
> Pairings  
> None
> 
> *A/N* I've had another plot bunny barge its way into my brain, and it just won't leave me alone. This story is a lot different than anything else I have written, so I hope you all find it enjoyable. There is NO bashing of characters in this story, but I must warn you that Harry enjoys giving our beloved Headmaster a headache. He also likes to make our favorite Potions Master squirm, so don’t expect a loving (or even friendly) relationship between the two. As for our lovely Dark Lord, well, let’s just say Harry loves to laugh at his expense. 
> 
> Updates will be slow for this story until Courage and Cunning is finished, but you can expect updates to happen every couple of weeks.
> 
> With all that said, I hope you give at least the first chapter a chance before you click your back button. 
> 
> Now…time to start a new adventure!

** Boredom Is Deadly **

**Chapter 1**

**How NOT To Plan An Alternate Reality**

 

“Oh, oh I was a Paranormal Investigator in life! Can I please, please go back as a ghost!?” The young, brown haired girl begged with wide eyes, as she stared at the black robed figure in front of her.

“No.” Harry replied in a monotone voice, as he sighed heavily and shifted around in his large black throne.

“Please!? I wasn’t ready to die!” She said stomping her feet. “I was happy, full of life, and looking to prove that there is an afterlife! This is the perfect opportunity for me!”

“No.”

“Damn you!” The girl screamed. “I wasn’t ready to die! I had my whole life ahead of…”

“Then you shouldn’t have been trying to put on lipstick while driving!” Harry snapped, as he rested his pointer finger against his temple. “It’s your own damn fault for causing the car accident, and I, for one, don’t feel sorry for you. Now, off you go.”

“NOOOO!” The girl cried, as Harry, with a wave of his hand, sent the soul forcibly flying through the open door that stood on the front left side of the room.

He sighed again and rolled his eyes. “NEXT!” He bellowed, but looked up sharply as a middle aged man appeared before him.

“Is this hell? Are you Satan?” The man asked nervously as he twisted his hands together. The man tried to peer into the four open doors that stood in each corner of the room, but he couldn’t see anything except a bright light coming from them.

Harry smiled slightly, but shook his head. “No. I'm just Death, and I sort souls based on whether or not they are muggles, witches and wizards, magical creatures, or normal animals. What happens to you when you walk through the door is completely out of my hands.”

The man nodded nervously, but looked at the black robed, green eyed, messy haired man in front of him. “It wasn’t my fault. I tried everything to save them.”

“I know.” Harry said with a sympathetic nod. “Rouge waves are an unexpected hazard one doesn’t think about on a deep sea fishing trip, but you did the best you could to save the lives of your friends. They don’t hold their deaths against you. However, I'm pleased to inform you that your teenaged son survived the ordeal, and he has since been picked up by the U.S. Navy. He is now safe, and your wife is grateful for the small miracle. They are both sad because of your passing, but they will carry on and heal with time.”

The man choked back a sob, but a tear escape and slid down his cheek. “Thank you for telling me that. My son wanted to go on one last fishing trip before he went off to college.” He whispered.

“I know, and you're welcome.” Harry said gently, and softly motioned for the man to enter the door on the front left side of the room.

Once the soul had disappeared through the door, Harry stood up, yawned, stretched, and walked over to the whiskey cabinet to pour himself a drink. Between an earthquake in Australia, a flash flood in China, and a tornado in Oklahoma, he had had a very busy day.

As the illusion in the room fell away, Harry sighed and walked over to the large leather sofa that appeared, and sat down with an ungraceful flop. The house that he lived in was a mirror image of Grimmauld Place, only it was much nicer than it had been when he was a teenager. In fact, it still looked exactly like it had when he and Ginny remodeled it after they had gotten married.

However, that had been a long time ago.

It had been nearly two-thousand years since then, and while _this_ Grimmauld Place wasn’t really the same house, it felt comfortable, homey, and familiar to him. This Grimmauld Place was not situated in London though, instead, it was in what Harry called ‘The Void’ - the place between Limbo and the afterlife.

The blackness of The Void outside the front door and windows was very depressing, but slightly entertaining in a way. Random objects floated outside his windows as far as the eye could see, and it had only taken him a short while to figure out that these random objects were things that had been vanished by witches and wizards on Earth. He had tried to open a window one time and grab a beautiful painting of a green meadow with flowers to help brighten the place up, but opening the window created a vacuum and it nearly sucked him out. After that, Harry had given up. There was nothing Harry could do to change his depressing surroundings, and The Void only made the boredom that much worse.

Yes, Harry James Potter, Master of Death, Death, The Scythe Wielding Madman, the Black Robed Demon, and whatever other name history had given him - was bored.

He couldn’t visit his family and friends in the afterlife, and the total lack of real entertainment was simply horrible. There were no movies, TV shows, or music, so there was nothing really to enjoy. There were books, both magical and muggle that he could read, but Harry had never been much of a reader in life. He did sometimes study things that mildly interested him, but being the Master of Death, he pretty much knew everything anyway, so it always ended up a waste of time.

When he wasn’t sorting souls, Harry would often pass the time by thinking about his life. Aside from all the hell he’d been through in his youth, he had really enjoyed how his life had turned out. He married his beautiful wife Ginny, had children, who in turn gave him grandchildren and great grandchildren. When he took his last dying breath at the age of one-hundred and twenty, he remembered telling his whole family, who was crowded around his bedside, that he loved them and would see them again someday.

If only he knew then…

Turns out that Dumbledore was a barmy old bastard who had set him up, but in a good way…sort of. Dumbledore had no idea what he was _really_ doing when he set Harry up as master of the elder wand and gave him control of the resurrection stone, but Harry didn’t either, until he died.

When he died, Harry was met by the very ecstatic black robed, skeletal figure we have all come to know as Death. Death, who was dancing around like a child on a sugar high, greeted Harry enthusiastically, handed over his scythe, told Harry about his new ‘job’, and whistled a tune as he left through the door on the right front side of the room. Harry, who could only watch the immortal being go about his merry way in confusion, stood there wondering what in the hell was happening, but it wasn’t long until he figured out what he had to do.

He had to sort souls based upon what they were. Muggles went through the door on the front left side of the room, witches and wizards went through the front right door, normal animals went through the back left door, and magical creatures were sorted through the back right door.

While it wasn’t a very _complicated_ job, sorting muggles and normal animals was dreadfully boring, and unfortunately, there were more of them than there were witches and wizards. Harry knew all about the soul’s life and death upon arrival, and while some of the muggle souls were interesting, most were mundane. Sorting famous muggle people was always a chore though, because they _always_ had their excuses and wanted to ‘go back’, but Harry only laughed and shunted them off to the afterlife without a second thought.

Witches, wizards, and magical creatures were a bit more interesting though, because they really didn’t have an afterlife. They actually had a chance to have a ‘next great adventure’, and Harry could send them back in whatever form he, or they, wanted.

What was interesting about it, was the fact that this new ‘form’ could be either an animate or inanimate object.

Harry took great pleasure in sending his former enemies back as degrading and humiliating things, and he couldn’t count the number of times he sent Draco Malfoy back as a rubbish bag. Of course, magical souls who ended up as disposable things usually ended up back to Harry pretty quickly, but this only happened when the living humans had no more use for them, and sent them off to the landfills.

Most magical beings wished to return to life as they had been, but some wanted an entirely different life. They never kept their memories after they were sent back, but they did regain all the memories of their past lives upon death.

Wizards like Arthur Weasley often chose different life scenarios. The last few times Harry met Arthur, the muggle happy wizard wanted to actually live life as a completely normal muggle man, so Harry happily sent him back as a farmer living in the Southeast United States. Upon his next death, Arthur had been thrilled and decided that he wanted to spend his next great adventure as a piece of cotton. He hadn't been nearly as enthusiastic about that upon his next return. Apparently going through life as a T-shirt, which ended up being used as an emergency makeshift baby diaper, wasn’t all that exciting, so Arthur had opted for a normal life as a wizard again, which Harry found extremely funny.

Ginny wanted to kill him when he sent her back as a Las Vegas showgirl one time, and his Mum, Lily, gave him an earful when she realized she had spent one of her lives as an actual lily. Lily wasn’t all that mad though. She had been picked out of a garden and given to a sweet little old lady as an ‘I love you gift’ from the lady’s husband.

Harry couldn’t help but smile at that.

Just like everyone he had met in life, Harry had come across Dumbledore’s soul on more than a few occasions, and once Dumbledore learned exactly what he did to Harry, he could only apologize profusely. Harry, for his part, forgave him, but not before sending his old Headmaster back as a wool sock, which was chewed beyond repair by an overzealous puppy. Dumbledore laughed about it when he returned, but they talked for a good length of time before Harry sent the old man onto another great adventure.

Harry actually found out that Dumbledore was really Godric Gryffindor in a former life, while Gellert Grindelwald had been Salazar Slytherin. Gryffindor and Slytherin had been best friends at one time, but had a falling out later in life which caused Slytherin to leave Hogwarts. Given Dumbledore’s personality and what he knew of Grindelwald, Harry was shocked, but he really wasn’t all that surprised.

As for Harry himself, he was considered a ‘new soul’. Upon his birth and death, it was the first time he had gone through life, and truth be told, he was a little miffed about the whole thing. New souls were quite common with both muggles and magical people, so he wasn’t odd or abnormal in that aspect, but it was the simple fact that _he_ had not been given the chance to have his own ‘next great adventure’.

Most of his friends and family thought being Death was an excellent next great adventure, but only because _they_ weren't the ones having to sit on the Black Throne of Death and do the mindless, boring task of sorting souls.

Harry desperately needed some excitement in his life, but what could he do? The first Death told him that he couldn’t just rewind time and go back to change things. He had to actually create a whole different reality, and that caused a major backlog of all the souls who needed to be sorted upon his return. Of course, he could always return to The Void each night to do the sorting and eliminate the backlog, but did he really want to return each night? Could he sort the souls of the present, in the days of Earth’s alternate past?

Harry jumped up from the couch, ran into the library, grabbed the rulebook from the bookcase, and began earnestly leafing through it. When he came to the right spot, his eyes flew down the page, and he grinned wickedly.

Yes he could!

It was complicated though, because rewinding time wasn’t as simple as saying, ‘hey I want to go back to such and such a year’. He would need to create an alternate reality, and in order to do that, Harry would need to rip the souls of all his friends, family, acquaintances, and pretty much anyone who had lived, even if he hadn't known them personally, from the present and send them back into their bodies of the past.

Harry grinned at the thought of his own little ‘playground’. He could cause as much mayhem, destruction, and death as he wanted, and none of his actions would affect the present ‘real’ reality.

It was probably why he had to create the alternate reality in the first place, but it was of no matter to Harry. He could do what he wanted to do, and no one could stop him. His friends and family would probably kill him when they died in this alternate reality, because they would remember both worlds, and he would likely get chewed out by the great Albus Dumbledore, but he didn’t care.

He was bored, and desperately needed something to do.

The only thing he could not do though, was ‘pass the torch’ so to speak. Since this was only an alternate reality, he would remain the Master of Death. One cannot just _give_ the title away by rewinding time and creating alternate realities.

Not that he’d want to really. He actually liked being the Master of Death, he just hated the boredom that came with it.

“POTTER!!”

Harry’s head snapped up and spotted a soul standing in the middle of his library, glaring at him, and covered in white sticky glue. He grinned, placed the rulebook down on the table, and slowly approached it.

“Tom.” He snorted.

“I hate you Potter. I really, really hate you.”

Harry burst out laughing. “Well, I wasn’t expecting another soul this late into my evening, but I'm always happy to make exceptions for friends.”

Tom Riddle glared at Harry some more, but then he sighed in defeat and plopped down in a nearby chair.

“They killed me. Those terrible little monsters killed me. They put rat poison in my coffee, and just as I was taking my last breath, those horrible creatures covered me with glue!” Tom ranted.

“Rat poison, it’s a nasty invention.” Harry agreed as he nodded.

“IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!!” Tom roared, only to be met with more laughter.

“How’s running a muggle daycare working for you?” Harry chuckled as he vanished the glue, and poured himself, and his guest, a glass of whiskey.

Tom took the offered drink with a glare, but drank it down in one smooth gulp. “That was worse than the time you sent me back as a touch lamp.” He grumbled.

“I'm just doing my duty.”

“You placed me in a muggle nursing home!”

“Well, no one’s perfect.” Harry said offhandedly as Tom glared at him some more. “You're lucky I even took pity on you. If I hadn’t put your soul back together, you’d still be floating around in Limbo.”

“Yes, I suppose I _should_ be grateful, but really Potter, a daycare operator?”

Harry burst out laughing again. “It seemed fitting. After all, you did want to be a Professor once upon a time.”

Tom rolled his eyes. “Only so that I could recruit Death Eaters under Dumbledore’s nose, but the old man denied me of that.”

“Yes, then you threw a temper tantrum and started a war.” Harry dryly pointed out, causing Tom to shrug.

“I've grown out of that in the last two-thousand years, and have come to the conclusion that I may have been a little…insane…at the time. Although, I do have to admit that during my stays here in The Void, I often contemplate on what I could have done differently.” He sighed, causing Harry to raise an eyebrow at him.

“What would you have done differently?” He asked curiously.

“I don’t know, lots of stuff, but I guess it’s neither here nor there.” Tom replied as he stood up. “Alright, so what hell will you place upon me this time?” He asked, looking slightly depressed.

Harry took a good long look at Tom, and an idea began to form in his mind. The man looked like an older version of the sixteen year old boy he had seen in the Chamber of Secrets that fateful day at the end of his second year, but he never understood why. In fact, all the souls of the ones he knew in life looked just as they did when he knew them. Harry really wasn’t sure if this was just his way of being able to tell the souls of his friends, family, enemies, and acquaintances apart, or if it was how they looked in every life he sent them too, but he really never paid that much attention to it.

Nor did he really care.

However, he stood up and smiled at the former Dark Lord that had caused him so much hell, and threw his arms around the stunned man’s shoulders.

Bygones and all that…

“Actually Tom, I'm planning something big, and maybe you can help me. I want to create an alternate reality, which will send us back to the year 1991.” Harry said, looking at Tom with a grin.

“Your first year of Hogwarts?” Tom asked, looking at him in surprise.

Harry shrugged his shoulders and poured them another glass of whiskey. “Sure. I'm bored and desperately need something to do, and I figure that’s a good place to start. The problem is, I have to rip everyone’s soul from their current lives in order to create this alternate reality.”

Tom stared at him with wide eyes. “Everyone?”

“Everyone.” Harry confirmed. “Even people I didn’t know in life.”

“And you want _my_ help?” Tom asked, and Harry nodded.

“Yes, I do, and think about this Tom, we will be back in a world where people actually _talk_ to each other again.” Harry said with a big grin.

Tom’s eyes widened in shock. “Yes, I hadn't thought about that. With the invention of text messaging and its explosion in popularity in the early 21st century, the spoken language has completely died out. In fact, since humans never use their vocal cords anymore, the process of evolution has done away with them entirely.”

“Yes I know. The only time someone can speak nowadays is when they die.” Harry said, rolling his eyes. “And even then they still use wild hand gesturing to communicate what they are trying to say. It’s funny though, because the souls of the dead also try to reach for their phones while witches and wizards reach for their wands.”

“It’s all the muggle teenagers’ fault you know.” Tom said, waggling his finger at Harry. “If they would have actually _talked_ to one another, instead of texting, even when they were sitting right next to each other, this wouldn’t have happened and we would still have our vocal cords. Can we fix that by doing this alternate reality thing?” Tom asked hopefully.

Harry shook his head sadly. “No, unfortunately not. This is only an alternate reality. Whatever changes we make in it will not affect real reality.”

“Damn.” Tom said softly. “But it will be nice to hear people’s voices again, and not have to deal with wild hand gesturing.”

“Yes, I do have to agree with that.” Harry nodded.

“But Potter, wait a minute. If nothing changes in real reality, what will happen when all the souls of witches and wizards get jerked out of the world and placed into your alternate reality, and what of the muggles from that time?” Tom asked, looking at his favorite frememy.

“Muggles are actually crafty at explaining away such oddities, so they will probably say it was a zombie apocalypse or something, only the ‘zombies’ won't be eating human flesh or any other such nonsense. They will only be wandering around aimlessly until I put their souls back into their ‘real reality’ bodies, or until those bodies die naturally.” Harry shrugged. “As for the muggles of the time, since they are already dead and in the afterlife, I’ll just recall their souls and place them back into the lives they were leading at the time. It’s not a big deal really.”

Tom raised an eyebrow at Harry, but shrugged again and sighed. “So what do you need my help with?”

“Planning, and if you do a good enough job, I might let you kill me this time.” Harry grinned.

Tom’s eyes widened in shock once more. “Really?”

“I said ‘might’.” Harry grinned, causing Tom’s eyes to narrow immediately.

“And if I refuse to help you?” He asked, folding his arms across his chest.

“I’ll send you back as toilet paper.”

“So, when do we start!?” Tom cried, jumping out of his seat while glancing around wildly.

Harry burst out laughing. “Right away. I can only allow a soul to hang around in The Void for twenty-four Earth hours before I have to send them on, but if we can get most of the alternate reality created in enough time, I can just take you there myself.”

“Will I have my memories?” Tom asked hopefully.

“You know what? I think I will let you keep them as a thank you for helping me.” Harry replied with a grin, as Tom eyed him suspiciously.

“I don’t know whether I should believe you or not Potter, but let’s just get this done. I’ll require another glass of fire whiskey though.”

“Instead of just a glass, maybe a few bottles will help us get this done faster.” Harry said as he waved his hand around.

Many bottles of fire whiskey appeared on the large table, and Harry gave Tom a list of things to plan, along with bunch of charmed pieces of parchment. These pieces of parchment gave Tom the power to create whatever he wanted from the provided list, and all Harry had to do was wave his hand in order to approve them.

He didn’t even have to check them over in order to do so.

As for himself, Harry sat down and just began scribbling down things that could give him some sort of an idea on how to carry out this undertaking. He knew he wanted the world to be as close to the original one as possible, but he didn’t really care about the details. He just wanted to toss the whole alternate reality up in the air, and let the chips fall where they may.

Tom on the other hand, settled down and, for once, began planning his own ‘next great adventure’ with much enthusiasm.

He’d be damned if he was going to let Potter send _him_ back as a piece of toilet paper.

 

* * *

 

_Gong!_

**_Gong!_ **

**_GONG!_ **

“What!” Harry cried, jerking awake as he sat bolt upright in his comfy library chair.

“Potter, what is that infernal…”

“Oh crap!” Harry shouted, leaping out of his seat and looking around wildly. “Tom, Tom, TOM! Get up! We got drunk and over slept! Have you finished your list?”

“Stop shouting at me!” Tom snapped, as he rubbed his forehead and wiped the drool off his chin. “I have a major hangover. I think I drank too much…”

“Shut up and just give me what you have. That gong sound means we only have five minutes left of our twenty-four hours. Are you…”

Harry didn’t get to finish, because Tom stood up so suddenly that he became dizzy and threw up everywhere. With an impatient wave of his hand to clear up the mess, Harry accidently vanished not only the throw up, but also some of the parchment they had used to plan out the alternate reality.

They stared at each other in dismay.

“Which pieces of parchment were those!?” Tom asked frantically.

“I don’t know, but there is no time to figure it out. I have to get you out of here now, or else I’ll be forced to send you back and you won't retain your memories.”

“But what happens if they were important?” Tom asked, trying in vain to ruffle through the stack of parchment in order to figure out what had been vanished.

“The world itself will make up the difference and fill in the blanks. Now, let’s just go.” Harry said, placing his hand on the large stack of parchment in order to approve the changes.

“Um, Potter?” Tom said, after the stack of parchment disappeared in a brilliant flash of white light.

“What?”

“I just caught a glimpse of something very disturbing.” Tom said hesitantly.

“What?” Harry repeated with wide eyes.

“The sorting hat has been replaced with a pink and black polka dotted tea kettle, and it was written in your hand writing.”

They both glanced at each other in horror, and slowly turned around to eye all of the many empty bottles of fire whiskey…and gulped.

“Well, I wanted exciting, I guess I'm going to get it.” Harry said with a nervous laugh. “Because I can't even remember what else I changed.”

Tom snorted loudly. “Imagine what else will be different.” He said with a wicked grin. “Because I also can't remember what all I changed.”

“I guess we are about to find out. We gotta go!” Harry cried, just as the gong rang again, signaling the one minute warning.

He grabbed Tom’s arm, then they both disappeared in a wispy puff of black smoke, and headed off to an alternate 1991.


	2. A Dursley Knockdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say that as you read this chapter, please don't think Tom is pulling a Snape. As you read, you'll understand what I'm talking about, and I'll explain it a little more in an A/N at the bottom.

 

**Chapter 2**

**A Dursley Knockdown**

 

It was dark when Harry and Tom landed in the freshly created alternate reality. They stood up straight to take in their surroundings, but Harry heard Tom gasp as he stared at the view that stretched out below them.

"You took us here?" Tom whispered, as a beam of moonlight shone down on them, seemingly putting them in a spotlight.

"Yes." Harry said quietly.

They were standing high on a cliff overlooking the whole of Hogwarts. The grounds stretched on into the mountains to the east, and to the west, they could just make out the tiny dot that was Hogsmeade. The water of the Black Lake lapped gently at its shores, but that was the only sound they could hear. Everything else was depressingly quiet.

"The last time I stood in this spot, I shattered the shield that was protecting the castle." Tom said with a slight quiver in his voice.

"I know." Harry replied quietly, as his eyes roamed the scene below them. "But this spot has always been my favorite place to come. Most don't know this, but I used to come here to think. I'd fly my broom up here, and sometimes Hedwig would come with me."

"It all looks dark and lifeless though." Tom said, tearing his gaze from the castle and looking at Harry in confusion.

"We are the only living beings in the world right now. Tomorrow when we wake up, everything will be proper. We just need to figure out where we were at…" Harry's voice trailed off as he waved his hand to cast the clock spell. "… At 10:27pm, August 29th 1991." He finished, looking up at Tom, who appeared to be lost in thought. "Weren't you firmly planted in the back of Quirrell's head by this point? And for that matter, why do you look forty years old? You were around sixty at this time in real reality, and also, why aren't you a wispy wraith like…thing?"

Tom snorted. "Eloquent Potter, but yes, I was a wraith. Not this time though. And as for looking this age, I changed it to where I'm simply twenty years younger."

"Why?"

"I have a plan." Tom replied with an unsettling grin.

"Oh?" Harry questioned, raising his eyebrow curiously.

Tom chuckled and looked down at Harry, who had already taken on his undersized, malnourished eleven year old form.

"Spoilers." He said with a superior smirk. "But since you are the Master of Death, even I can't hide from you the fact that I have no horcruxes in this world. Surely you realize that?"

Harry stood still and cocked his head to the side for a moment, then he nodded.

"So you don't. Intriguing." He said, looking up at Tom with a grin, as he absentmindedly rubbed the lightening bolt scar that was still visible on his forehead.

Tom watched as Harry carried out the old habit, but then he grinned. "Well, I cannot enact my new and improved genius plan of killing you with you hanging off my arm like a leech, so I take my leave Potter. Since no one else is in this world yet, I'll have to start in the morning."

"Aw, come on!" Harry protested, as he stomped his feet like the eleven year old he was portraying. "Can't you give me a hint?"

"No." Tom said with a grin. "Until we meet again. And this time Harry Potter, I shall bow to Death...just this once." He added with a mock bow and a smirk.

Harry burst out laughing as Tom apparated away, but where he was going was anyone's guess.

Harry stood there for a few more minutes looking out over the silent and still school grounds, then he shifted a cloud in front of the moon, thereby obscuring the beam of moonlight. Then he quietly disappeared into the inky darkness in a wispy black puff of smoke.

* * *

Harry 'puffed' to the end of Privet Drive, and looked around in amusement. It looked exactly the same as he remembered it, with one exception. The house at Number Four was now painted to look like a tie-dyed t-shirt. The grass was completely dead, the concrete for the driveway was cracked and broken, Dudley's toys were spread all over the lawn, and the garage had a large hole in the roof.

Vernon Dursley was absolutely going to  _hate_  it!

In his drunken stupor the night before, Harry had done this on purpose. Of course, Vernon had no idea what was about to happen to his 'normalness', and couldn't wait to see Vernon's reaction.

If this didn't get the gossips on Privet Drive talking, then nothing would. Harry knew he was going to be blamed, but he didn't care. He hated his Uncle just as much as his Uncle hated him, but this time things were going to be different. Harry wasn't the naïve boy he had been in real reality. No, this time he was a two-thousand year old immortal being with all the magical powers of the universe at his beck and call.

And he wasn't afraid to use them. Especially on these poor excuses for human beings.

As Harry strolled down the empty street to Number Four, he couldn't help but grin. Payback, as they say, was a…witch, and Vernon, Dudley, and Petunia Dursley were going to wish they had never mistreated Harry in his former life.

He was nearly giddy with glee at all the things he could do to the Dursleys and get away with, but just as he placed his hand on the front door knob to enter the house, he heard a noise on the street behind him.

"Avada Ked…oh who am I kidding?"

Harry burst out laughing. "Starting early I see." He said with a grin, as Tom wandered up the walk.

"I just found my wand, but since there are no other living beings in the world right now, I thought, why not go and bother Potter?" Tom said as he took a good look at the house with an amused smirk. "What are you up to?"

"I'm going over different torture scenarios for my payback with the Dursleys. Want to come in?" Harry replied, as he opened the door and stepped inside.

Tom raised an eyebrow at him, but then chuckled. "Care to join me Potter? You and I will be unstoppable. I can bring your parents back, and…"

"Oh shut up." Harry snorted, causing Tom to grin.

"Well I tried. Anyway, can I even step foot in the door? What about the blood wards?" Tom asked, as he peered inside.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Those wards were put in place to keep me safe from you, but a fat lot of good they did keeping me safe from the Dursleys. Looking back now, I realized they were so weak that you could have brought them down pretty easily even before you regained your body. I don't know if you ever realized this, but once you took my blood in the graveyard, you could have waltzed right up the walk and into the house. As for right now though, yes, just come on in. I didn't even bother to put them in place."

Tom looked at him curiously, but shrugged and stepped inside. The interior of the house looked just as clean and pristine as it always did, and the shocked look on Tom's face made Harry chuckle.

"I want them to think everything is normal tomorrow when they get up so I didn't mess with the inside of the house, but when Vernon steps outside, I'm hoping he dies from a heart attack." Harry said with an evil grin.

Tom looked at him and shook his head. "Harry Potter, Dumbledore's Gryffindor Golden boy, ends up entertaining the idea of muggle killing and torture. What ever is the world coming to?"

Harry laughed. "Not all muggles deserve this treatment, just these ones." He said, motioning around the house. "I hate all three of them."

Tom was strangely silent about the 'not all muggles deserve killing and torture' subject. Harry half expected Tom to start ranting about how 'muggles are the devil', but he put it out of his mind as they walked into the kitchen. He sighed with relief when he spotted a stack of parchment on the table, and he flopped down into one of the chairs.

"I'm actually glad you're here really. This will prevent me from having to find you later and tell you everything." He said, picking up the parchment.

"What do you mean?" Tom asked curiously, as Harry divided the stack and handed him half of it.

"Well it's like this, at 6am tomorrow morning this alternate reality will officially start. As of right now, the world is still building itself based on what we wrote down last night. This here," he said, waving his own stack in the air, "will tell us what has been changed."

"Why is it important? I thought you wanted to be surprised." Tom asked as he leafed through his half of the stack of parchments.

"On some things I do. Like for instance, I don't want to know what you are planning to do. It makes things interesting and gives me a challenge." Harry explained. "However, I don't want to be broad sided by things like the sorting hat being replaced by a pink and black polka dotted tea kettle. The kooky changes that we made while drunk will be completely normal to everyone else, because it's what they always have known, at least in this reality. However, you and I are going to be flying blind, and I don't want either of us to look like fools."

"Ah. I think I understand what you mean now." Tom said, leaning back in his seat. "I've also changed my age, done away with my horcruxes, and I'm not a wraith, so we need to know what changes have occurred because of that."

"Exactly. I've already been to Diagon Alley with Hagrid, since there is only two days until school starts, so I'm supposed to know my own story by now, and because of those changes you just mentioned, I don't know what happened." Harry nodded. "I mean, for all I know my parents are alive, Wormtail is in Azkaban, and Sirius is already free."

At the mention of Peter's nickname, Tom scoffed and rolled his eyes, but they quickly got down to business. As he carefully read over each parchment, Harry snorted at some of the changes because they were clearly done after they had gotten drunk. However, other changes made him pause with concern, while others confused him.

After a while though, he finally sighed and looked up.

"Ok, I think I have pieced together what happened that night. Unfortunately for me, my parents are still dead, BUT, the killing curse was never fired that night. Despite the fact that you've done away with your horcruxes, that explains why you're not a wraith, or outright dead as the case would be in this instance since you have no horcruxes." Harry said, causing Tom to pause in his reading and look up. "Apparently what happened was, you came to the cottage in Godric's Hollow, killed Mum and Dad, and then you turned your wand on me."

"And…" Tom prompted.

Harry started giggling. "Apparently I had a large bout of accidental magic. I caused my crib to levitate, and ended up summoning a bunch of knives from the kitchen. After that you…uh…you became frightened, ran away, and haven't been seen since!" Harry said as he howled with laughter.

"WHAT!?" Tom shouted, snatching the parchment from Harry's hand.

"My scar came from one of the knives you tried to banish at me, but according to this world's history, it was a weak banishing curse because you were shocked and frightened." He snorted. "The knife only scratched up my forehead, before I vanished it."

"This is not…this is…this is asinine!" Tom sputtered, as Harry continued to howl with laughter. "I am Lord Voldemort! The most feared and powerful wizard since Merlin and Salazar! I am NOT afraid of a baby's accidental magic!"

Harry bit his lip to stop himself from laughing, but the tears flowing down his cheeks gave away how he really felt about Lord Voldemort being a 'fraidy cat'.

"Keep your pants on. Just keep reading." Harry snorted.

Tom's eyes flew down the parchment, but he sighed with relief a few moments later.

"That information is for our benefit only?"

"Right." Harry replied with another snort, only to have Tom glare at him. "In real reality, Hagrid told me, 'no one knows what really happened, but something about you stopped him that night'." Harry said, as he got up to grab a couple sodas out of the refrigerator. "I'm certain that is true here as well, so your reputation is still intact."

Tom grumbled something to himself that suspiciously sounded like 'thank Merlin', but took the offered soda and took a sip. Both continued to read, with one of them occasionally letting out a snort or two, but all of a sudden, Tom spewed his soda all over the table and started laughing.

"What?" Harry asked, looking highly amused by the spectacle.

"Gryffindork, Ravenflaw, Huffleduff, and Slytherin." Tom simply said, which caused Harry to stare at him in confusion.

"What?"

"The only one that is normal is Slytherin." Tom said with a smirk.

It took Harry a moment for it all to sink in, but then he finally cried, "What did you do?! You changed the houses!"

"Apparently. Though I have no idea what got into me."

"Whiskey." Harry replied as they both snorted, but then he looked at Tom curiously. "Ok, I get why you would take a jab at Gryffindor, and given how most Slytherins view Hufflepuff as duffers I understand that, but what did Ravenclaw ever do to you? Why call them RavenFlaws?"

That question caused Tom to scowl furiously. "I've always hated Ravenclaws. They are arrogant, self-righteous, pompous, know-it-alls, and I have always wanted to take them down a peg or two. They think that just because they are Ravenclaws, they alone have all the answers simply because 'they are smarter than everyone else'!" He ranted, which caused Harry to blink owlishly at him in surprise. "It's one of the reasons I pushed myself so hard in my studies. For almost two years, TWO YEARS, I was laughed at because I would sometimes answer a question wrong! Sometimes I would be called upon, but other times, I thought I knew the answer."

By this time, Tom was pacing around the dining room, and Harry could only stare at him in shock. He never knew about any of this, since he was still alive while Tom rotted in Limbo, so needless to say, he was both shocked and curious.

However, Tom wasn't done ranting yet.

"They would always laugh at me, and I hated them for it. The last straw came just before Christmas Holidays in my second year. I had raised my hand in Charms to answer a question that I thought I knew the answer to. Well, it turned out that I was half right, but the Professor gave me a few points anyway because some of my answer was correct. After class was over, Myrtle Warren giggled and laughed at me for only getting it 'half wrong'. She said, 'don't worry about it Tom, you're not a Ravenclaw. You're only a Slytherin, and you'll never be as smart as one of us'."

"Myrtle Warren?" Harry gasped.

_"Yes."_  Tom hissed maliciously, slipping into Parseltongue because he was so angry.  _"She had the gall to constantly laugh at me when we had classes together, but I got the last laugh."_

"Is that why you had the basilisk kill her?" Harry asked in surprise.

"That, and the fact that she was a mud…muggle born." Tom replied with a shrug. "I didn't care that Olive Hornby teased that pitiful girl over how she looked. Myrtle was an ugly, whiny, arrogant, pompous  _bitch_ , and she deserved every minute of it. She was always making fun of others, not just me, and many people at school cheered Olive on. The day Myrtle died, no one even  _cared_." Tom said with a superior smirk. "Of course it took me a few more years before I learned exactly who I was, but when the time came, I had the basilisk kill that filthy little mud…muggle born…and later, I used Ravenclaw's diadem to make a horcrux. Things may have changed in Ravenclaw by the time you attended Potter, but in my day, Ravenclaws,  _all_ Ravenclaws, were just like Myrtle."

"Wait, I thought Myrtle's death was used to create the diary." Harry said in a confused tone.

"It was, but later I used the death of an Albanian peasant, who whored herself out for money, to create the horcrux diadem. I found it fitting." Tom clarified with an evil grin, as he sat back down in his chair. "I may have been completely insane for the last few years of my life, but I always had a reason for everything I did, and because of those stupid, arrogant Ravenclaws, I pushed myself hard. It was me, the Heir of Slytherin, which graduated with top honors, and not some snot nosed, know-it-all Ravenclaw. For many, many years, no one  _ever_  came close to topping my marks."

"Until my Mum came along." Harry said quietly.

In the blink of an eye, all of the anger left Tom and he visibly deflated.

"Yes, not until your mother." Tom whispered. "And later, your friend Hermione." He added with a small smile.

The dining room was silent for several minutes as both of them sat lost in thought. Harry knew why the mentioning of his mother caused Tom to act the way he did, but he also knew that Tom wasn't ready to talk about it.

The pain was still too fresh for him.

He had seen the sad disappointment in Tom's eyes when he earlier said that both his parents were still dead, and Harry wondered if some of the parchment he had accidently vanished would have changed that.

Now they would never know.

Still though, the uncomfortable silence stretched on for a few more minutes, before Tom finally stood up.

"I think I'm done for the evening Potter. I'm tired, still a bit hungover, and I need my wits about me for tomorrow." He said with a sigh as he stood up and stretched.

"I understand." Harry nodded, as he too stood up. "If you stop by Hogwarts, there should be some hangover potion in Madam Pomfrey's potions cabinet. Grab one, it'll make you feel better."

Tom smiled and nodded, but just as he got ready to apparate, Harry called out for him to stop. Then, from out of nowhere, he conjured up a photo of his mother. Lily was sitting beneath a willow tree on the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest, surrounded by books, and smiling brilliantly at the camera.

"Take it." Harry said gently, as he handed the photo to Tom. "I don't know if this is what she looked like when…when you knew her, but at least you know it's her."

"Thank you." Tom said quietly, as he took the photo and stared at it fondly. "She does look just like her."

That comment caught Harry completely off guard and he stared at Tom with wide eyes.

"Really?"

Tom chuckled. "Didn't you know that, oh ye Master of Death?" He said with an amused smirk.

Harry shook his head and laughed. "Actually no. I thought it was just my way of telling everyone's soul apart. I had no idea every person looked the same in each life."

"Well, I can tell you for certain that they do." Tom said, as he gently squeezed Harry's shoulder. Then he apparated away with the photo safely tucked into his green robes.

Harry stood in the silence for a few minutes thinking about what just happened, but he smiled to himself, vanished the parchments, and rubbed his tired eyes. He and Tom had already gotten the gist of all the changes in the world, so what little was left they would just have to figure out.

As Harry made his way up to Dudley's second bedroom, he found it eerie to be walking around the house so freely, and especially after all this time. However, as he entered the bedroom, he grinned as he caught sight of all his school things spread out everywhere.

An empty owl cage was sitting on the makeshift desk with an open book beside it, and his trunk was open. Robes, books, quills, and parchment littered the bed, and his wand was perched delicately on his pillow, as if waiting to be grasped.

As Harry approached the desk, his eyes suddenly widened in remembrance. His History of Magic book was open, and one word had already been underlined.

Hedwig.

"Of course." Harry muttered to himself, as he brushed his fingers over the page. "I was trying to find a name for Hedwig."

He glanced at the cage and smiled. Due to Hedwig being a magical creature, he had sorted her soul a number of times. One time she had elected to become a house elf and another time she had wanted to become a hippogriff, but she was mostly content with being an owl. According to Hedwig, there was no greater honor than being able to deliver the post. Harry had thought that was a little odd, but then again, he was a wizard and not a magical creature.

His eyes wandered over the things laying haphazardly on top of the bed, but when his eyes landed on his pillow, he grinned.

Ah, his wand.

He grasped the old familiar holly and phoenix wand and just like last time, a warm tingly sensation flowed through him and sparks shot out of the tip.

Then Harry did something curious.

He pulled his hidden scythe from his robes and placed the holly wand into its handle. When the two merged, the scythe shrunk down and all that remained visible was the wand.

Harry grinned again. There was no other wand that could stand up to it now. His scythe was his, and his alone. No one could take it from him, and since the two had merged, he could call either of them forth at will. His scythe alone was unstoppable, but with them together, they couldn't be matched. Not even the Elder Wand could stand up to them.

Not that he entertained the thought of taking the wand from Dumbledore. In fact, there was no other human on the planet he trusted more to have it. It was safe in Dumbledore's hands, and in Dumbledore's hands is where it would remain.

Harry would make sure of that.

He was tired though, and decided to go ahead and clean up his bed, so with a wave of his hand everything flew into the trunk and settled in its proper place. He knew he needed to do a sorting because he already had a backlog of one day to get through, and if he didn't do one tonight, he'd have two days of backlog to get through. However, tomorrow was a new day, and he'd get to it then.

And the Dursleys were going to be his special guests.

* * *

Harry woke with a start to the sound of stampeding elephants shaking the entire house to its foundation. At least, that's what it sounded like to his sleep addled brain.

"BOY! GET DOWN HERE NOW! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT USING YOUR FREAKISHNESS AROUND THIS HOUSE!?"

_Oh that's right._ Harry thought, as he sat up and quickly cast a few spells at the door.  _Damn, he didn't have a heart attack after all._

_BOOM!_

_Grunt!_

"Open this door!" Vernon cried as he tried, and failed, to break down the door. "OPEN IT NOW!"

The unbreakable charm, combined with the hardening charm, had turned the door to solid stone and made it impossible to break down. Oh, how Harry loved those two spells, and there was no doubt that Vernon was going to have a sore shoulder today.

"BOY!"

"Good morning Uncle Vernon." Harry said with a cheeky grin, as he calmly opened the door. "Are you having a pleasant day?"

Vernon was standing there with a purple face, and was wheezing heavily as he glared at his nephew.

"What did you do to my house, garden, and garage!?" He cried.

"I painted the house, cut the grass, and redecorated the garage. It's lovely isn't it?" Harry replied with an innocent gaze. "Is there something the matter with the changes?"

"Matter,  _matter, **MATTER**_!" Vernon bellowed. "It's…it's…FREAKISHNESS!"

"Yes, yes it is." Harry answered. "But I think it gives the entire property a certain…uniqueness, don't you?"

Vernon commenced to sputtering very harsh expletives, but when he tried to grab ahold of Harry, he found that he couldn't.

"Sorry Uncle, but you will never touch me again." Harry said calmly, as Vernon tried in vain to grab ahold of his nephew again.

It was a futile effort though, because Vernon's fingers only passed through Harry as if the boy were a ghost.

"As a matter of fact," Harry continued. "Perhaps we should take this discussion into the living room. There are going to be a few changes around here, and I think you and Petunia need to be aware of them."

He 'puffed' down to the living room, where Petunia was frantically peeking out of the curtains at the neighbors, who were gathered in Dursleys front lawn and pointing at the house.

Vernon let out a terrible roar, but a second later he was thundering down the stairs and into the living room. Petunia let out a startled cry when she turned around to find a furious Harry glaring at her. Vernon lunged for Harry, but landed face first into the carpet due to not being able to touch him, while Dudley stood in the doorway leading into the kitchen, staring at everything with wide, frightened eyes.

Harry pulled his scythe out of the sleeve of his pajamas and expanded it to its full size. Vernon started cursing again, Petunia screamed, and Dudley let out an undignified squeak for a boy his size.

"Sit." Harry ordered, as he rapped the end of his scythe on the floor.

The Dursleys instantly, and quite literally, flew together and landed ungracefully on the couch, where they let out several frightened whimpers. Harry stood in front of the fireplace, and started pacing back and forth as he began to address them.

"As I just told Vernon, there are going to be a few changes around here. For ten years you have treated me like a slave, fed me scraps of food not even fitting for a mouse, and kept me locked in a cupboard. On top of that, you kept my heritage from me, and lied about my parents' death."

"We took you in out of the good…"

Petunia screamed and Dudley whimpered when Harry disappeared in his usual puff of wispy black smoke, and reappeared the same way next to the couch. Vernon however, nearly wet himself when he found the curved blade of the scythe right up next to his fat neck.

"After the hell you have put me through, you should be happy that I don't use my scythe to separate your fat head from your shoulders." Harry hissed as his green eyes blazed with rage. "Now you will shut up and do as I say, or I promise you that  _will_ happen!"

All three Dursleys began shaking like leaves, but Harry calmly backed away.

"You are the stupidest muggles I have ever laid eyes on. You knew I was a wizard all along, and while you thought you could 'stamp the magic out of me', you should have known better. Especially you Petunia." He said, as he bored hateful holes into her head. "My mother was a witch, and you know that you can't 'stamp it out' of people. That's like me trying to stamp out the breath from your lungs. Be thankful that I don't try that." He added, as he glared at all three of them. "But what did you think was going to happen? I'm a wizard, and you treated me like crap! Did it  _not_  cross your puny little minds that I could use magic to get revenge!?"

Petunia let out a pitiful squeak, and glanced at Vernon with terrified eyes. Vernon on the other hand, just glared hatefully at Harry.

"However," Harry continued in a false jovial tone. "Lucky for you I only have two days left until school starts, so your…torture…won't last long." He said with a grin, as the Dursleys once again whimpered in fright. "So here is what's going to happen. For the next two days, I will sit on my little skinny, undersized, malnourished arse, while the three of you do all of my chores."

Vernon started to turn purple with rage again, but Harry nipped that in the butt quickly, by running his finger over a nearby table. This action caused the table to wither and turn into black ash that floated down to the floor.

"Shut up Vernon, or you will end up like the table." He said calmly, as Vernon immediately snapped his mouth closed. "Now, where was I? Oh yes, Dudley, you will go outside, pick up all your toys, lay down new grass sod, paint the shed, and weed the flower beds. Vernon, you will repair the roof of the garage, and it better be just as good as it was before, so no cutting corners. You will also wash the car, repaint the house, and repair the concrete in the driveway. Now, as for you Petunia," He said, as he looked at the woman and grinned. "You will be my personal maid. You will cook all of my meals and give me the same size portions as you give Dudley, and you will also clean the entire house from top to bottom." Harry finished as an evil gleam sprang into his eyes.

He once again rapped the end of his scythe on the floor, and Petunia instantly let out a blood curdling scream. Mold began growing on every wall, dust an inch thick covered everything in sight, and trash covered every square inch of floor space.

"And if I were you, I'd wear something over my nose and mouth when you go to clean the bathrooms." Harry added with a grin. "You will find all the materials you need to complete these chores in the shed out back. Now, chop, chop." He said cheerfully, as he clapped his hands together.

Petunia and Dudley whimpered, but they stood up. Vernon however, appeared on the verge of saying something, but Harry raised an eyebrow and pointed his scythe in Vernon's direction, and he finally got up and began moving.

"Oh and one more thing." Harry called out loudly. "Seeing as it's my normal punishment for not finishing my chores, I think it's only fitting it should be yours too. None of you is to get any meals until all of your chores are finished."

Dudley looked to be on the verge of tears, Petunia seemed to expect it, and Vernon only scowled before jerking the front door open and heading outside.

"Petunia dear, before you start cleaning, I'll require scrambled eggs, nice crispy bacon, fat juicy sausages, toast, and a tall glass of orange juice. That will be all. Oh, and if you try to poison it, ruin it, burn it, or anything of the sort, I'll kill Dudley slowly and make you watch while he screams in pain." Harry said with a sickly sweet smile. "You may go now."

Petunia paled and Dudley screamed, as Harry flopped down into a nearby arm chair, propped his feet up on a conjured ottoman, and flipped on the telly.

"Ah, this is the life!" He cried, then he burst out laughing.

* * *

It was a very long day for the Dursleys.

Vernon didn't get anything done, seeing as he spent most of his time cursing Harry under his breath. Dudley didn't get anything done either, because it took him all day just to drag all of his toys upstairs to his room. Petunia only managed to get three quarters of the downstairs cleaned, but she still had the rest to do, and all of the upstairs.

Harry only laughed at them.

Right now though, he was enjoying his dinner, and because they didn't finish their chores, he made all the Dursleys stand at the end of the table and watch as he ate the small roast, mashed potatoes, rolls, and corn he had made Petunia fix him for dinner. Petunia pleaded with Harry to let Dudley have some, but Harry glared at her and coldly told her no.

It was, after all, how they had treated him.

After Harry had eaten all that he could, he vanished all the leftovers, much to the dismay of the Dursleys, and leaned back in his seat.

"That was an excellent dinner Petunia. One of the best I ever had really. Oh wait, it  _was_ one of the very few that I've had that wasn't cold, or pulled out of the rubbish bin." He said with a cocky grin, as he patted his very full stomach.

"Can we go bed now?" Petunia spat.

"No." Harry replied casually. "You won't be going to your nice comfy beds tonight. In fact, I have already magically expanded the cupboard under the stairs just enough so that the three of you will fit into it. However, you can't go to sleep right now, because you three are my special guests this evening!" He said cheerfully, which caused the Dursleys to immediately be on their guard.

"You think you're going to get away with treating us like this Boy, but you have another thing coming." Vernon said through gritted teeth. "We will call the police, and have a restraining order set against you, and the rest of you bloody freaks!" He yelled.

"Sure you will." Harry said as he rolled his eyes. "And I'll vanish it and make everyone involved forget about it, except you all of course."

Vernon looked ready to open his mouth again, but Harry stopped him with a cold glare.

"Stuff it Vernon, because unbeknownst to you, I quite literally own this world." Harry hissed. "This world that you now live in is simply a copy from an ancient time, and for over two-thousand years you have been dead. I called forth your pitiful souls from the afterlife, and it is by my grace and mercy that you live again." He said, as he rapped the end of his scythe on the floor and stood up. "I am an immortal being, incapable of being defeated by mere mortals, whether they be muggles or wizards." He said, as the air in the house became cold as ice. "You, Vernon Dursley, are staring into the face of… _DEATH_!" He shouted, just as the room fell away.

It was replaced by the sorting room, and the Dursleys cried out in terror as chains sprang up around them and held them in place. Harry morphed into his seven foot, black robed, skeletal form that he only used on very special occasions, and Petunia fainted at the very sight of him.

(Truth be told, the skeletal version of Death is basically used for comedic purposes. This of course was told to Harry by the original Death, who only seemed to use it on Halloween for some strange reason.)

With a twirl of his robes, that was worthy of Severus Snape, Harry turned around and sat in the middle of the room on his black throne.

Then he sighed despondently.

"The sorting shall began!" He cried in a loud, clear voice. "Bring me the first soul!"

"It's about time!" An old man with wavy dark hair said, with an impatient stomp of his foot. "I've been waiting here for two days! Do you know who I am!?"

"Yes." Harry replied with an impatient sigh. "And I don't really care. Please exit the room through the door on the left front side of the room."

"I'm not going in there!" The man argued, as he folded his arms across his chest. "I refuse to be treated like….aaarrrggghh!" He shouted, as Harry sent it forcefully flying through the door.

And on, and on it went.

Soul after soul. It seemingly went on for days, but Harry knew it was only because of the backlog. However, he knew that he was getting through it when the souls became less angry and irritable, and more humble and frightened.

In truth, he got through all the souls from both realities in record time, despite having spent nearly five minutes with the soul of a Priest, who didn't seem to understand that Harry was neither God nor Satan.

But he was used to such conversations.

However, there was one soul who caught him completely off guard, and it wasn't one of the backlogged souls.

"Professor Quirrell!" Harry exclaimed as he stood up in shock. "What…how…why?!"

"Potter! What is the meaning of this!?" Quirrell cried. "One minute I'm standing on the edge of the Forbidden Forest, and the next minute I'm in the waiting room! How did I get here? What's going on? Why are people actually talking and not using their wands for communication, and why in the hell am I Quirrell again!?" The completely shocked and exasperated man shouted.

"Well," Harry said carefully as he sat back down. "You're in an alternate reality. I created this world because I was bored and needed something to do. It's 1991 in this world."

"Oh?" Quirrell said in a slightly shocked tone. "Well then how did I die? I'm supposed to be the Defense…"

"Yes, yes. I know." Harry said, holding up his hand. "And I'm afraid to tell you this, but you were killed by Tom. Though I must admit that I have no idea what he is up to."

"Voldemort?" Quirrell asked in shock. "Is that right? Well, umm Potter I have a question. Can I be resorted into this alternate reality? I like the fact that I can actually use my vocal cords again. I don't care where you put me, or what you turn me into, just keep me in the alternate reality. I like it better than the real one."

"Really?" Harry asked in shock, only to have Quirrell nod. "Well there is no rule against it, and this world will remain as it is until I decide to do away with it, if I choose to do that. What would you like to go back as?"

Quirrell looked extremely happy at this news, and started to actually bounce on the balls of his feet.

"Send me back as a wizard. A muggle born this time though. I want to see what muggle technology was like in this century. After all, I was the muggle studies teacher at one time."

"I can do that." Harry grinned. "You know what to do, and Professor, I'm sorry you died this early."

"Think nothing of it Potter! This is great! I can actually talk again!" He cried happily, just as he disappeared through the door on the right front side of the room.

Harry didn't have time to ponder over Quirrell's death, seeing as he needed to get through the rest of the day's souls, but as the sorting  _finally_  ended, he stood up, stretched, and looked around as the room returned to normal.

"Oh, I forgot all about you three." He said, as he caught sight of the Dursleys. "Someone prod Petunia, I do think she may be asleep."

It was actually Dudley who woke his mother up, simply because Vernon looked too stunned and scared to move.

However, Harry got them rounded up and herded into the cupboard, which he locked with magic, before he stomped up the stairs. This caused the Dursleys to start muttering loud curses because of the dust and spiders that fell down onto their heads, but Harry didn't care.

As he slipped out of his robe and into his pajamas, his thoughts drifted to Quirrell, and by extension, Tom.

_What are you up too Riddle?_  He thought, as he slowly drifted off to sleep.  _I know you're up to something._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, As I said before, Tom is not pulling a Snape. What happened with Tom and Lily in a previous life is NOT what you are thinking, but I will have the tale unfold as the story progresses. Keep in mind, Tom has lived hundreds of life times, and because Harry let him keep his memories, he remembers ALL of them. That's one of the reasons for his strange behavior, but more about that later!


	3. A Twisty Train

**Chapter 3**

**A Twisty Train**

The next day, the Dursleys had an even tougher time doing the chores Harry had ordered them to do. This was mostly because Vernon and Dudley complained about the lack of food, but it was also because Harry had ordered them to do more chores.

Harry knew that once he went back to school that Vernon would hire someone to do all this for them, but he really didn't care. Besides, there was always next summer should Harry want to continue with this alternate reality, but the Dursleys didn't have to know that right now.

Harry spent most of the day pretty much the same way he had spent it the day before.

Right in front of the telly.

He watched all three Star Wars movies, as well as all three Back to the Future movies, and he couldn't help but laugh at the last three.

Oh the irony.

By the end of the day though, Vernon actually managed to get the front door painted, which was quite an accomplishment for him. Petunia was able to get the rest of the house cleaned and back in order, and Dudley finally got all the grass sod laid down in the front yard.

It was a miracle to be honest.

"Well Petunia," Harry said as he sat down to dinner that night. "Since you finished your chores today, you may eat."

Petunia scowled at him, but shook her head. "I want Dudley to have my meal tonight." She said with a haughty tilt of her head.

Harry sighed. "No can do Tuney." He said, causing her eyes to widen at the name. "No trades. Dudley didn't finish his chores."

"You will let my son eat!" Petunia screamed, causing Harry to chuckle.

"I'm sure that my Mum has been screaming the same thing from the grave for the last ten years, and since you ignored her, I'm going to ignore you."

"YOU WILL NOT GET AWAY WITH…"

Harry cast a silencing charm on Vernon, who nearly choked on the rest of his silent words, but both of the Dursley adults just ended up glaring at him.

Dudley on the other hand, whimpered in fright, or maybe it was hunger?

Harry wasn't sure, but he knew the boy wasn't going to starve. Besides, he'd be gone by the time the Dursleys woke up in the morning, so it wasn't like they had much longer to wait.

Once Harry finished his meal of fish and chips, he vanished the rest. Dudley looked like he was going to say something, but when Harry raised an eyebrow and looked at him, he just kept his mouth shut and stared at the floor with tears running down his cheeks.

Harry only smirked.

"Time for a sorting!" He exclaimed happily, causing all three Dursleys to pale rapidly. "And this time Tuney, no sleeping." He added, as he waggled his finger at her.

All three whimpered in fright, but before they could even blink, they were chained to the floor by their necks and wrists. Harry had resumed his skeletal form, which made Petunia scream and faint again, but this time, Harry didn't let her remain that way.

"What did I say?" He asked, once he had woken her up.

She was once again screaming hysterically, but then he hit her with a silencing charm and a charm that would keep her awake this time.

"You can't do this to us! You'll never get away with it!" Vernon yelled, only to be met with Harry's amused, bony grin.

"Wanna bet?" He asked, just as the kitchen and dining room changed into the sorting room.

Vernon shrank back as much as the chains would let him, but at least he shut up.

"The sorting shall begin!" Harry called out loudly, as he sat down on the Black Throne of Death.

Since there were no natural disasters in either reality that day, the sorting was pretty normal. The few witches and wizards that he came across were confused and asked a bunch of questions about why they were back in these particular lives, so Harry patiently explained it to them.

To say they were excited was an understatement.

All of them wanted to be resorted back into the alternate reality. Harry was actually surprised at this because he figured that most would be angry at him for ripping their souls out of real reality, but they really weren't.

They, like Quirrell the night before, loved being able to talk again.

Harry was almost finished with the sorting and was actually in pretty high spirits considering he always found it tedious, but once again he found himself face to face with a wizard he did not expect.

"WHAT!?" He shouted, as he jumped out of his seat when the very last soul appeared before him. "NO! Absolutely not!"

"POTTER! What the hell is going on!?"

Harry glared at the black robed, highly irritated soul of his least favorite Professor second to Umbridge, but it wasn't because he was mad at the man.

No, he was mad at Tom.

"No, no, no, no, no, no!" Harry cried. "I am not going to put up with this. I'm going to send you straight back to the moment you died. I am not going to let him kill you just yet."

"POTTER!?" Severus Snape shouted with a loathing glare. "What the hell is going on?" He asked again through gritted teeth. "Will you explain to me why I'm Severus Snape again, and why I was killed by a killing curse as I was exiting out of the Slytherin common room?!" He said, but then he caught sight of Harry's guests, and his eyes nearly bugged out. "And why in the hell are the Dursleys chained to the floor!?"

"It's Tom, but I'm not letting him get away with this. I'm sending you right back, and you won't remember this little foray to my throne. This is my alternate reality, and I can do what I want!" Harry ranted, to no one in particular.

"Potter." The greasy haired man growled through gritted teeth. "I ask again. Why am I…?"

"Don't worry about it. You're on a need to know basis, and you don't need to know. Besides, even if I told you, you wouldn't remember anyway. I'm just going to send you back."

"Potter! If I don't get an explanation…aaarrrggghh!" Snape screamed, just as Harry banished him back to the alternate reality.

"Tom Riddle!" Harry yelled, as he rapped the end of his scythe on the floor.

A moment later, a very confused looking Tom appeared before Harry, and he actually did a double take at what he saw.

"Are those the Dursleys?" He asked with an amused grin.

"Yes." Harry replied dryly.

"Interesting Potter. I may have to steal that idea."

Harry just glared at him.

"What's the matter?" Tom asked, looking at Harry with a bit of wariness.

"You killed Snape."

"Yes, I did. He's a spy, and I wanted to be rid of him." Tom said, folding his arms across his chest.

"I sent him back. He won't remember that he died though." Harry said with an annoyed glare.

"What!?" Tom shouted. "But Potter…!"

"No!" Harry said, as if he were chastising a small child. "I want to torture Snape before he dies, if he dies. You can kill him later at your leisure if you want, but I want some fun with the greasy bat first."

"Really?" Tom said curiously, as he unfolded his arms.

"Yes, so no killing him, or Dumbledore for that matter, before I have had my fun."

"Oh all right." Tom said with a sigh. "I suppose I can work around Severus, but I actually had no plans to kill Dumbledore, at least not right away." He said with a mysterious grin.

"And you're not going to tell me what you're planning, are you?" Harry asked with a chuckle.

"Nope." Tom snorted.

"All right. I have my suspicions because I sorted Quirrell last night, but I'll wait." Harry said as he stood up.

When he did, the sorting room vanished, and was replaced with the Dursley's kitchen. The Dursleys themselves stood up once the chains vanished, but none of them made a move as they watched Tom and Harry closely.

But Vernon could always be counted on to open his mouth.

"BOY!? Who is that man!? I demand an answer!"

Harry and Tom both looked at Vernon with raised eyebrows, but Harry grinned.

"Oh him?" He asked, pointing at Tom. "He's the reason I was dumped on your doorstep. He's the man that killed my Mum and Dad."

"Hello." Tom said, giving the shocked Dursleys a small wave.

Harry just snorted.

"You can apparate back to wherever I pulled you from now that the sorting room is gone." He said as he snapped his fingers.

The Dursleys knew it was a sign that they were to go to the cupboard, but Tom just watched it all with amusement.

"I'll see you soon Potter." Tom said with a chuckle and a shake of his head, just before he apparated out.

"Looking forward to it my friend." Harry said to himself, as loud complaining could be heard coming from the cupboard.

* * *

Harry grinned as he quietly unlocked the cupboard door the next morning. It was early, around 6:30 or so, but he knew the Dursleys weren't awake yet, judging by all the snoring. He knew it would take them a while to realize that he was gone, but he grinned even more when he thought about the note he had left for them.

_See you next summer Dursleys!_

It was all the note said. Harry wondered how long it would take the Dursleys to move away from Privet Drive, but he just laughed. He would drag them back kicking and screaming if he had to, even if they sold the house and someone else bought it.

But he'd deal with that when the time came.

Harry returned to his room so he could let Hedwig out of her cage and send her on ahead to Hogwarts, then he shrunk her cage, and his trunk, and stuffed them into his pocket.

After spending a few minutes changing his looks, he 'puffed' to the Leaky Cauldron to get some breakfast and to wander around Diagon Alley before it was time to head to Kings Cross Station. He got to Platform 9 ¾ in plenty of enough time, secured a compartment, and finally sat down to wait.

As the platform began filling up, nostalgia overtook Harry as he spied Hermione and her parents. They all seemed nervous, but Hermione's eyes were shining brightly as she said goodbye to them and boarded the train. Then Harry smacked himself upside the head.

Hermione was going to  _kill_  him for this little stunt.

Harry was so preoccupied with imagining all the hexes, jinxes, and ranting he'd have to endure when she found out about this, that he didn't even realize the train began to move. In fact, he didn't even snap out of the scenario until Ron opened up the compartment.

Harry looked up, but tried to keep the happy grin off his face so that he wouldn't look like a barmy fool. Instead, he just stared at his longtime best friend and brother-in-law.

"Are you a first year too?" Harry finally asked, as Ron's eyes swept the compartment.

"Yeah." He said quietly as he stood there.

"Brilliant!" Harry exclaimed. "Wanna sit down?"

"Sure!" Ron said, perking up a bit as he hauled his trunk through the door.

Harry stood up to help him get the heavy trunk into the overhead storage, but when that was done, silence reigned for several minutes as they sat there and looked at each other.

It was finally Harry who laughed.

"I'm Harry Potter." He said and grinned as Ron's eyes widened.

"You're barmy!" Ron cried.

"Nope, I really am. See?" He said, pulling back his bangs to show off his scar.

"Wicked." Ron breathed as he stared at. "Well I'm Ron Weasley. I can't believe I'm sitting here with you."

"I can't believe I'm sitting here with  _you!_ " Harry said, causing Ron to pause and look at him oddly. "I mean, I've read about your Dad, Arthur Weasley. He's a genius when it comes to muggle things and stuff. You know, I'm actually very interested in how the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office deals with those kinds of mishaps. It's really fascinating. I can't believe you his son! This is brilliant!"

Ron owlishly blinked at him, but the he perked up a bit and grinned as he puffed out his chest.

"Well, my Dad's job is very important, and he does his best you know. He's the head of his office."

"So I've read. You think I could meet him one day? I think it would be brilliant." Harry said with a grin.

"Sure. Christmas if you can. My Mum won't mind." Ron said as he looked at Harry in awe.

"Sounds like a plan." Harry said with a chuckle.

The talk soon turned to Quidditch, and that was all they talked about for the next few hours. Harry told Ron that his favorite team was the Chudley Canons, even though he really could care less about them, but it made Ron happy and that's all he cared about really.

Ron asked about Harry's childhood and wanted to know if all the stories about him were true, but Harry told them they weren't. However, he did tell Ron that he lived with his muggle Aunt and Uncle who were the most kind and caring people in the world. He said they told him all about magic, and he even told Ron about the house they lived in.

Ron was fascinated by all of Harry's stories, and gladly began telling Harry all about the wizarding world, since he had never actually lived in it.

Ron was in the middle of a griping tale, that Harry was pretty sure he made up, of how his twin brothers, Fred and George, almost killed his other brother, Percy, with a broom, when the compartment door, rather loudly, burst open.

"So you're Harry Potter. Heard you were on the train." A blond boy said, as two bookends stood behind him.

"And you are?" Harry asked, as Ron glared daggers at them for the interruption.

"Malfoy, Draco Malfoy." He said, but glared at Ron when he snorted. He ignored Ron though, turned back to Harry. "You might remember me. I was in Madam Malkin's when you came in to get your robes."

"No sorry. I don't remember you. You don't strike me as someone who is all that important." Harry said, causing Ron to snort again.

"Think this is funny Weasley?" Draco spat. "Your family is poor. You shouldn't be seen with such filth Potter. It's bad for your image."

Harry gritted his teeth, but held Ron back when the red head jumped up. "At least the Weasleys are good people, and not Death Eaters. Good bye Malfoy." Harry said, and shoved all three of them out the door and slammed it shut.

"Wicked Harry! Did you really just say that?" Ron asked as he stared at Harry opened mouthed.

"Yes I did." Harry said with a firm nod. "My Aunt and Uncle kept all of the  _Daily Prophets_  from just after my parents were killed until I was old enough to read them. I know all about  _that_ family." Harry said with a snarl. "And I don't believe Lucius Malfoy was imperiused at all."

"I don't believe it either, and blame you for how you feel about them Harry. The Malfoys are a bad bunch." Ron said, as he leaned back with a sigh. "Do you remember much about that night?"

"Bits and pieces I think." Harry said as he feigned sadness. "I don't like to talk about it much."

"That's understandable." Ron said quietly, just as the compartment opened again.

It was Hermione, just like last time.

"Let me guess." Harry said with a grin. "You're looking for a lost toad."

"Uh…no." She said, looking at him oddly. "I'm actually looking for a lost chipmunk."

"I'm sorry?" Harry asked as he blinked rapidly in confusion.

"A chipmunk. A boy named Neville lost one. Have you seen it?"

"Nope." Ron said. "But we will let you know if we do."

Harry stared at her for a minute in shock, but he finally shook his head.

_A chipmunk!? Really!?_ He scolded himself.  _Where in the hell did that idea from?_

Ron had already introduced himself by that time, but seeing as Harry was lost in thought at the moment, he took the liberty to introduce Harry too. Hermione's screech was what finally brought Harry out of his thoughts.

She started talking really fast about how she had read all about him, but Harry wasn't surprised at all, in fact, he actually enjoyed it. However, it wasn't until Hermione stood up to leave that Harry realized that she had never introduced herself.

Then he smirked.

"Hey Rowena, you didn't tell us your name!" He cried, causing her to turn around in confusion.

"What did you call me?" She asked curiously.

"Rowena. As in Rowena Ravenclaw. You kind of remind me of a Ravenclaw because of your love of reading and stuff. I'm sorry if I offended you." Harry said.

It wasn't a coincidence though. Hermione was actually a very old soul, and she really was Rowena herself.

But of course, Hermione Granger didn't know that.

"Don't you mean Rowena Ravenflaw?" Ron asked, causing Harry to cringe a bit.

"Err-yeah, that is her last name. Sorry."

"No, no you didn't offend me at all actually." Hermione said as she blushed lightly. "My name's Hermione though. Hermione Granger."

Harry grinned. "Well Rowena. It was nice to meet you."

Hermione blushed again and even giggled a bit, but then she smiled. "You two better get into your robes. We should be there soon, I think."

"Of course." Harry said with a chuckle.

Oh yes, Hermione was going to definitely kill him for this.

* * *

Harry sort of spaced out when the train arrived in Hogsmeade, and even more so when they sailed across the Black Lake in the boats, but it was actually Neville who brought Harry back to the here and now when they reached the front doors of the castle.

"Chippy!" Neville cried, causing Harry to look at him in an odd sort of way. "Thank goodness. Chippy you know you're not supposed to run away like that."

'Chippy' stared chattering a mile a minute as he sat in the palm of Neville's hand, but Neville just shook his head sighed.

"Well just don't do it again." He said, looking at the chipmunk sternly.

Harry backed up a few steps because he wasn't sure if Neville was altogether sane right now, but unfortunately he ran right into Draco, who was less than pleased to have his foot trounced on.

"Oh, sorry Malfoy." He mumbled, still not taking his eyes off Neville, who was talking to Chippy in hushed whispers.

"Watch it Potter!" Draco said, shoving Harry into Ron.

"He said he was sorry!" Ron said, standing firmly next to Harry, who turned around and glared at Malfoy.

"Keep that up Malfoy, and you won't like what I do to you. Consider this your one and only warning."

"Like I'm scared of you Potter." He spat.

"If you only knew." Harry hissed, as he got right up in Draco's face.

The only thing that kept Draco from replying was the sudden appearance of McGonagall, who cleared her throat at the two of them, before turning her stern gaze on everyone else. Her customary speech made Harry smile just a bit, but it took every ounce of willpower for him not to burst out laughing when she mentioned the houses. Hearing Minerva McGonagall say Gryffindork, Ravenflaw, and Huffleduff was almost too much for him to bear.

They all dutifully followed behind McGonagall when she lead them into the entrance hall, and Harry 'oohed and aahhed' along with everyone else. However, he nearly yelped out loud when they walked into the great hall.

He stood stock still in shock and just looked around, which caused Hermione to run smack into the back of him.

"It's only bewitched to look like the ground outside." She said, as she patted his arm. "I read about it in…"

"Hogwarts: A History?" Harry squeaked, staring at the enchanted  _FLOOR_  in shock.

"Yes. It's ok. Don't worry."

"Ok." He said unsurely, as he absentmindedly glanced at the ceiling.

Which was a perfectly  _normal_  looking ceiling.

_Oh, what in the hell caused this?_  He thought, as he hurried to catch up with the other first years.

He was still reeling from the shock of the enchanted floor, but when his eyes swept the head table, he almost burst out laughing.

Sitting right between Snape and Dumbledore was none other than Tom Marvolo Riddle, who was grinning at him like a lunatic. Harry clamped his jaws together to keep from laughing, but it was quite the effort to do so. Snape looked even paler than he normally did, and Dumbledore looked very tense.

And judging by the looks on both men's faces, they knew  _exactly_  who was sitting between them.

Dumbledore even had his wand out, as if ready to defend someone at a moment's notice, but he was gripping the wand so tightly that Harry was afraid the old man would snap the Elder Wand in half.

Tom however, just kept grinning.

Harry finally let out a tiny snort, and looked over the rest of the Professors. To his surprise, they all looked tense and ready to fight too, if need be. McGonagall's eyes kept bouncing between Tom and Harry nervously. Flitwick and Sprout had their wands in their hands, and the rest of the Professors just sat and watched everything with wide frightened eyes. Harry was actually surprised that Dumbledore would tell the rest of the staff, because it really didn't seem to be his style.

However, there was one Professor that caught Harry completely off guard, and he stared at her opened mouthed. He'd recognize those glasses, that irritating laugh, and those damnable pigtails anywhere.

Myrtle.

Tom caught the surprised look on Harry's face and glanced down the head table, before looking back at Harry with a furious scowl. Unfortunately, it was in that moment when Dumbledore chose to glance at Tom, and he saw the look on Tom's face. Then his grip on the Elder Wand tightened just a bit more.

Harry couldn't help but snort.

_Leave it to Tom to cause so much tension!_  He thought with a wicked grin.

Dumbledore stood up at that point though and smiled as he looked at the gathered first years, but Harry couldn't help but notice that he kept his wand trained on Tom the whole time.

"I am pleased to welcome all of our first years!" He said happily. "The sorting shall begin, and we will get to see where you all will be for the next seven years, but fear not, it's quite painless." He added with a twinkle.

Harry was actually curious about this, considering there was no sorting hat, and even Tom looked mildly intrigued. However, both of them were shocked when Professor Trelawney, and not McGonagall, stood up with a pink and black polka dotted tea kettle in her hand.

"It's quite simple really." She said in her usual breathy voice as she addressed the first years. "All you do is drink the enchanted tea from the enchanted cup, then the enchanted tea kettle will spew out the name of your house, in steam of course, not tea you understand. Helga Huffleduff was a brilliant woman for thinking of this easy way to sort the students." She said, which caused Harry to face palm himself.

Not because of the Helga comment, but simply because the process was so utterly  _stupid_! Harry looked right at Tom, who looked to be holding back a bout of hysterical laughter, and shook his head.

'Damn whiskey.' Harry said, using sign language.

Sign language was a much smoother form of communication that was actually still used in real reality by business people, so Harry knew that Tom would understand it with no problems. It was also less detectable than the chaotic movement and wild hand gesturing that was more commonly used by everyone else.

'It's all your fault Potter.' Tom signed back, causing Harry to shake his head and roll his eyes.

'What are you doing here anyway?' Harry asked.

'See me later.' Tom said, though he had a large grin on his face.

Harry just shook his head again, and focused on the sorting. He really wasn't worried about anyone knowing that he was using sign language to talk to Tom, because he knew that no one at Hogwarts understood it.

Thankfully, not even Hermione understood it, though she may recognize it as actual sign language, but she wasn't paying attention to him, seeing as she was talking to herself at the moment.

"Nervous Rowena?" Harry whispered.

"No." She said nervously. "And my name's Hermione."

"I know that, but can I not give you a nickname?" Harry asked with a grin.

She blushed, but then she nodded.

"I suppose you can." She said with a shy giggle. "It's not like it's insulting to be called Rowena."

"Good, because I like calling you Rowena."

"Are you flirting with her?" Ron whispered.

"I'm eleven, so of course not. Don't you know girls have cooties? I was just being nice."

"Oh." Ron said, as he looked at Harry. "You're barmy."

"I certainly agree with that." Harry replied with a grin, causing Hermione and Ron to snort.

"We need to hush, and focus on the sorting now though." Hermione said, shushing Ron before he could speak.

"Bossy." Ron muttered, but Harry only laughed and grinned.

The sorting went much the same as it did back in real reality, though there were a few changes. Seamus Finnigan actually went to Hufflepuff, while Dean Thomas went to Ravenclaw. Hermione ended up in Gryffindor again, much to Harry's delight, but the most amusing change was when Crabbe and Goyle ended up in Hufflepuff, and Draco actually ended up in Gryffindor.

Draco pitched a fit right there in the middle of the great hall, and made to go sit at the Slytherin table anyway, but Dumbledore made him sit at the Gryffindor table where he belonged.

"My father will hear about this!" Draco yelled as he sat down with an undignified huff, which caused McGonagall to give him a disapproving frown.

Harry only rolled his eyes, while Tom actually burst out laughing. However, Tom's unexpected laughter nearly caused Snape to knock over his goblet, while Dumbledore turned to stare at him in confusion.

"The first of many times we will hear you say that Mr. Malfoy, I'm sure!" Tom said loudly, causing more than a few Professors to look at him fearfully.

Draco, however, just glared at him.

"And who are you?!" He yelled, as he scowled at Tom. "You don't know me! I belong in Slytherin, not Gryffindork! Judging by the look of you, I bet you were in Huffleduff!"

Snape paled even more, while Dumbledore made a move as if to protect the stupid boy, but Tom just laughed.

"Mr. Malfoy, I'm sure the Headmaster will properly introduce me once the sorting is over. However, as for your comment, due to your brash outburst and reckless mouth, I am convinced you _do_  belong in Gryffindor."

"You mean Gryffindork!" Harry corrected loudly, causing Snape and Dumbledore to stare at him in horror.

"Whatever." Tom said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"I'll tell my father how you spoke to me, and he won't like it!" Draco yelled.

Tom gave the boy a grin. "Do tell your father what I said, because he and I go way back Mr. Malfoy. Make sure you tell Lucius that I will send him and Narcissa my condolences."

"You're stupid and you don't make any sense!" Draco cried as he folded his arms across his chest, causing Tom to chuckle and Harry to stuff his fist in his mouth to keep from laughing.

"Your father will know  _exactly_  what I mean." Tom said, as he chuckled darkly.

Dumbledore's eyes bounced from Draco to Tom and back again, but Tom just shrugged it all off as the sorting continued.

"Harry Potter!" Professor Trelawney called out a few minutes later, causing hushed whispering to suddenly break out among the students.

Harry stepped forward with an arrogant swagger and grinned and waved at everyone. This caused Snape to scowl hatefully at him, but Harry gave the man a beaming grin before taking the tea cup from Trelawney.

"Made any prophecies about me lately Professor?" Harry asked loudly.

You would have thought Harry had announced himself as Voldemort from the way everyone reacted.

Trelawney only gasped, but Dumbledore spewed pumpkin juice everywhere, Snape's eyes nearly bugged out of his head, and McGonagall actually shrieked.

Tom however, burst out laughing again.

"An excellent question Potter." He said, causing Dumbledore to slightly raise his wand at him, but Tom just looked at him and smirked. "Something wrong Headmaster?"

"No, not at all." Dumbledore replied with a tense smile, but then he turned back to Harry. "Go ahead Harry, continue your sorting."

"Okey dokey!" Harry said with an innocent smile.

He drank the tea, though he made a face at the taste of it. Clearly 'Helga' had forgotten to put sugar in it, though in 'Helga's' defense she was 'drunk' at the time. Despite that though, Harry watched in fascination as little puffs of steam began billowing out of the tea kettles spout, but then he grinned.

"Gryffindork!" Trelawney called out loudly, causing the Gryffindor table to burst into cheers.

Harry simply grinned, and ran over to the table, where he instantly began high fiving anyone who would give him one.

Tom bit his lip to keep from grinning, but he cast a glance at Snape, who was scowling so fiercely at the display that Tom was afraid Snape would kill Harry right then and there.

"Just like his father." Snape growled. "I'll kill him."

"Don't worry Severus. I might kill him before you get the chance." He whispered.

Snape seemed to snap out of his angry stupor, and looked at Tom with wide eyes.

"Of course My Lord." He mumbled. "Potter belongs to you."

Tom merely nodded, but Dumbledore overheard them and glared at Tom.

"Severus vowed to  _protect_  Harry. He won't help you kill him." He hissed angrily. "Isn't that right Severus?"

"Yes Headmaster." Snape said, though he looked very nervous to say so.

"We will see." Tom simply said, causing both men to glance at him sharply.

The sorting finally ended, with Ron going to Gryffindor and Blaise Zabini going to Slytherin just like in real reality, but Harry kept his eyes on Dumbledore, Tom, and Snape while the feast was going on. Both Snape and Dumbledore seemed to be wound up tighter than coiled spring, but Tom's laid back, nonchalant attitude nearly sent him into fits of laughter, but he somehow managed not to.

The conversations flowing around him were much the same as they were in real reality, though Harry made an effort to include Hermione into his and Ron's conversation, much to Ron's annoyance. Hermione seemed to appreciate it and smiled at both boys as they all laughed and joked with each other.

The only one at the Gryffindor table who looked like he'd rather be somewhere else was, of course, Draco, but Harry couldn't help but glance at him occasionally and laugh. This caused Draco to scowl even more, and he stubbornly pushed his food away and refused to eat anything.

Once the feast was over, Dumbledore stood up and smiled brightly at everyone as he made his customary Start-of-Term announcements. Not surprisingly to Harry, there was no mention of death via the third floor corridor, so that meant there was no Philosopher's Stone to worry about.

After all, why would there be?

Then came the moment Harry had been waiting for. Dumbledore cleared his throat nervously, and motioned towards Tom.

"I have one last announcement to make. I would like to introduce your new Defense against the Dark Arts Professor, Tom Riddle."

This caused Harry to furrow his brow in confusion because the way Dumbledore had been acting, Harry felt sure Tom was going to make Dumbledore announce him a 'Professor Voldemort' or something.

However, whispering broke out in the great hall almost immediately when Tom stood up to wave at everyone, but to Harry's surprise, it wasn't what he expected.

"He's cute."

"I wonder how old he is."

"He looks young, think he'll go for me?"

"I can't wait for Defense! He's so dreamy!"

Harry stared around in horror at all the witches who were whispering about Tom's looks, but then he just rolled his eyes.

_If they only knew._  He thought, as he chuckled and shook his head.

It wasn't long after that when Dumbledore dismissed them to their houses. It was at this point when Draco stood up and loudly demanded to be resorted, but since there was no such thing, Dumbledore sent him off to Gryffindor Tower along with all the other Gryffindors.

After the long trip to the tower, and having to listen to Draco complain all the way there, Harry flopped down on the old familiar four poster bed that had been his so long, long ago, and let out a contented sigh. Draco began to angrily stuff his belongings into his wardrobe and get his bed area organized, but Harry only chuckled.

"Not going to be pleasant with  _him_  around, is it?" Ron whispered as he plopped down next to Harry, who sat up.

"Nope." Harry agreed as they both watched the blond boy stomp around the room.

"Chippy!" Neville cried, causing Harry to look his way. "Stop that. The sheets aren't for eating! I swear you're a menace."

"So what's with the chipmunk Neville?" Harry asked, eyeing the creature suspiciously.

"Oh, he is a confidence chipmunk." Neville replied, as he wrangled the sheet out of Chippy's mouth.

"You mean he steals people's money?" Harry asked, looking at him in shock.

"No! Why would you ask that?"

"Well, in the muggle world there are men who are known as confidence men, or con men for short. They think up cunning ways to steal people's money." Harry replied.

"That's barmy." Ron said, looking at Harry as he scrunched up his face.

"Don't worry Weasley, no one is going to waste their time trying to steal the money you don't have."

"Shut up Malfoy!" Ron cried.

Draco shot Ron a disgusted look, before crawling into his bed and snapping his curtains closed with an angry scoff.

Harry only rolled his eyes.

"Why do you have Chippy the Confidence Chipmunk?" He asked curiously.

"Well, confidence chipmunks are a magical chipmunk that instills confidence into the witch or wizard they belong to. My Gran got him for me a few years back when she noticed that I didn't have a lot of confidence in myself or my magical abilities. He's helped me out a lot, but he's a bloody menace! He's always getting away from me to do his own thing, and he eats everything in sight!" Neville exclaimed, as he pulled a quill out of Chippy's mouth. "Stop that!" He scolded.

Chippy made a loud chattering noise, which to Harry sounded sort of angry, but Neville only rolled his eyes.

"You'll get more food in the morning. Now go to bed."

Chippy ran to burrow under Neville's pillow, but Harry noticed that Chippy nicked one of Neville's socks that were laying haphazardly all over the bed.

Confidence Chipmunk indeed.

Harry just chuckled and began to get his own bed area situated. It was somewhat quiet in the dorm as they all went about their business, but after everyone put their stuff away, complete silence descended over the dorm room. Not a sound was heard except Ron's obnoxious snoring, and Chippy gnawing on the poor unfortunate sock.

It was then Harry decided to 'puff' out of the room to go visit his new favorite Professor.

* * *

He puffed into Tom's living quarters, which were housed just off of the Defense classroom. Tom didn't notice Harry at first though, because he was hunched over a large desk writing a letter, so Harry took a moment to look around.

It wasn't bad actually. Tom had a bed, a small kitchenette, a private bath, the large desk, and a few bookcases filled with books. Harry also noticed that the entire room was done in green and silver colors, which made him grin and shake his head.

_Slytherins._  He thought, but then he chuckled quietly.

"HI PROFESSOR RIDDLE!" Harry suddenly bellowed, causing Tom to snatch up his wand and wheel around in alarm. "Jumpy?" He asked with a cheeky grin.

"Shut up Potter. You scared me to death." Tom said, lowering it immediately.

"Nah, I won't let you die that easily. Alright, spill it. What did you do?" Harry asked as he sat down on the edge of Tom's bed.

Tom burst out laughing. "Well, it wasn't that difficult to be honest. I drew up a magically binding teaching contract that stated Dumbledore could never fire me for any reason, then I used the imperius curse to make him sign it. After he did, I lifted the curse."

"I bet he was horrified."

"Most assuredly." Tom grinned. "He warned all of the other Professors about who I really am, but he doesn't want the students to know. He's afraid that parents will jerk their children out, forcing Hogwarts to shut down. I must admit that I truly don't want that to happen either, so I actually agree with it. However, due to the contract, I'm free to do whatever I please and he can't get rid of me. No one can actually, because I put that into the contract too."

Harry snorted. "And here I was thinking you were going to use polyjuice to look like someone else, or use a confundus charm or something like it so he wouldn't recognize you. I sorted Quirrell, so I knew something like this was coming, but I didn't expect it to be like this. What does Snape think?" He asked.

"Potter, when you sent Snape back, my first thought was to just keep killing him over and over, to keep him out of my way, but I have actually thought of something better." He said with a malicious grin. "Due to his true loyalty to Dumbledore, and his fear of me, it is my mission to see if I can cause the man to have a nervous breakdown before the end of the year." He explained, then he went on to tell Harry what happened at dinner.

"Oh this is going to be great." Harry said, once he finished laughing. "I'll help with that, because that sounds like an excellent plan. Now, another question. Are you going to kill Draco, or can I just push him off of the astronomy tower and be done with him?"

"I thought you'd want to have a bit of fun with him first." Tom said with a smirk.

"I suppose I could, but if he gets on my nerves too badly, I'll make him have an accident." Harry said with a growl. "I absolutely  _hate_  Draco and his father."

"Sounds like something you'd do." Tom grinned.

"Yeah now, but not back in real reality when I was just a kid." Harry chuckled, but then he changed the subject. "Do the Death Eaters know your real name? I never did know if they did or not."

"Not really." Tom admitted. "They only knew me as Voldemort. Back in real reality, the first ones knew my real name because I went to school with them, but they never spoke it in front of the others. Severus knows my real name, as does Lucius, but Bella, Rodolphus, Dolohav and all the others don't."

"As far as you know." Harry said. "Remember, you're twenty years younger in this reality. So you went to school with Bellatrix and her crowd and they may know."

"Hmm, didn't think about that." Tom said, as he stared at the ceiling in thought. "It's no matter though, it's not like they would ever blab about it."

"True." Harry said with a nod. "Oh, before I forget, what the hell is up with Myrtle?"

Tom snarled at him, but Harry wasn't the least bit fazed by it. "I don't want to talk about her. I almost killed her the first time I saw her."

"Which Professor is she though?"

"Muggle studies." Tom spat. "And I'm just biding my time. If she even  _looks_  at me the wrong way, I'll kill her again."

"Have at it. It bothers me not." Harry said, jumping up with a grin. "Just do me a favor though, please don't kill Hermione or Ron."

"Why?" Tom asked, looking at him curiously. "I didn't think anyone's death fazed you anymore."

"It doesn't, but they  _are_ my best friends." Harry said with a quiet sigh. "And I want to enjoy their company again. It's been too long. Besides, Hermione is going to kill me when she finds out what I've done, and I want to prolong that for as long as possible. Though, she might very well try to kill you too for butchering her last name. She was Rowena Ravenclaw after all."

"Really?" Tom asked in shock.

"Yeah, so please don't kill them." Harry repeated. "I really have missed them. I mean, I know I could just do to them what I did to Snape last night, but I'd rather be spared the epic rant from both of them."

Tom studied Harry for a moment, but then he nodded. "You have my word Potter." He said sincerely. "I'll make sure they remain safe."

"Thank you." Harry said with a mock bow, causing Tom to chuckle. "Oh, and by the way, Chippy the Confidence Chipmunk? That wasn't me. Good call my friend." Harry said with a wink, just as he puffed back to his dorm room.

Tom chuckled one last time, but then he smiled sadly.

"It was the least I could do for the boy." He whispered, as he bent his head and finished his letter.


	4. A 70/30 Split

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *A/N* Hey guys, as you read this chapter, please keep in mind that Harry is 'playing' the role of an eleven year old, so if his speech and actions seem childish, that's why.

**Chapter 4**

**A 70/30 Split**

_Lucius,_

_I would like to express my deepest condolences to you and Narcissa on the future loss of your son._

_What do I mean by that you ask?_

_It means that I am going to kill your pitiful whelp of a child if he ever calls me stupid again! I have taken up the vacant post of Defense against the Dark Arts Professor at Hogwarts, and last night when your idiot son was sorted into Gryffindork, he had the nerve to call me stupid when I chastised him for pitching a fit in the middle of the great hall! He is an embarrassment to the name of Malfoy, and if he doesn't start showing me respect, I will kill him!_

_I am very displeased with you and your family right now Lucius. I may have disappeared for the last ten years, but that doesn't mean I haven't kept up with the news._

_The imperius curse?_

_You denounced me so dismissively just so you could keep your pitiful, slippery arse out of Azkaban!?_

_You dare?!_

_I'm not happy with you Lucius, so consider this my one and only warning, and teach your son some respect!_

_The Dark Lord_

"NARCISSA!" Lucius screamed frantically as he rushed from his study and into the sitting room where his wife was reading.

"Goodness Lucius, what has gotten you so…"

"Read this!" He said in a panicked whisper.

Narcissa took the letter from Lucius's severely shaking hands, and began to read. Once she was done, she stared at her husband in horror.

"Draco." She whispered in fear.

"We need to go to Hogwarts." Lucius replied with a tinge of fear in his voice.

"Right now." Narcissa agreed, as she stood up.

Then they both apparated on the spot.

* * *

Tom sat up at the head table and watched as the students slowly trickled in for breakfast. He had thought a lot about his plans once he had gotten into bed last night, and truth be told, he decided to make a few adjustments to them.

Simply because he was no longer Voldemort.

Tom had come to that conclusion the night he and Harry got drunk and thought up this barmy arse world. However, at first, Tom thought he could go back to being the insane, egotistical, selfish, psychopath, that Voldemort was, but truth be told, he really didn't have it in him to be that anymore. He was an old soul, much like Dumbledore and Hermione, and he had lived hundreds of lives before he became Voldemort, and he had lived hundreds of lives since. Well, once Potter put his soul back together that is. Not to mention, it had been two-thousand bloody years since his Voldemort days. Being Voldemort was just a tiny speck of time in his existence, and it wasn't all that Tom Riddle was about.

No, he couldn't be Voldemort simply because Tom Riddle actually loved some of these people.

Tom watched as Susan Bones sat down to fill her plate with food, and smiled fondly as he remembered the time when she was his mother. He smiled again when Neville, Hermione, Harry, and Ron came in chatting about something, and his heart leapt with joy as Neville grinned. Neville had been his older brother three lives ago, and Tom remembered the good times they had together. As he looked at Hermione and Ron, he remembered the times when they had once been his son and daughter, and Hermione had once been his wife.

Tom even watched as a nervous Dumbledore made his way into the great hall, and tears actually prickled at his eyes as he thought about the loving father the man had been to him not just once, but five different times. There were others sitting in the great hall who had also been his wife, brother/sister, father/mother, and son or daughter, and he loved them all.

No, he wasn't going to kill them. He couldn't.

But that did not mean he couldn't have some fun. Sure, it was a touch cruel to make them squirm and make them believe that he would start shooting off killing curses at any given moment, but this was an alternate reality. Yes, it was true, everyone was alive, but they had already lived this life once, and when they eventually died and learned the truth, most of them would probably laugh about it. And still, it's not like Potter would let anything too horrible happen to these people anyway, especially the innocent ones.

And the ones like Severus.

Tom glanced at the Potions Master as he nervously slid into the seat next to him. Potter can say what he wanted about Severus, but Tom knew better. If Potter truly hated the man, he wouldn't have named his son after him. Even to this day, in real reality, Severus was a common name in the Potter family, and everyone knew why.

Tom even had a lot of respect for the man, and was actually glad Potter decided to send him back. Severus had been a brother to him, as well as a grandfather, and a son. Not to mention, if Severus hadn't asked him to spare Lily's life that night, Harry would have died and things would have turned out a lot different.

If Voldemort had won, things would have been very bad indeed, and even Tom himself shivered at the thought.

However, as Myrtle made her way into the great hall for breakfast, Tom snarled at her. Yes, there were some people he genuinely hated. He could name many names right off the top of his head, and he probably would end up killing them just for the sake of being rid of them. After all, he did have to keep up the 'Voldemort' appearance somehow.

Tom's attention was suddenly drawn to Harry as he lad burst out laughing, and he chuckled softly.

Potter was currently trying to balance a whole pineapple on top of his head, but failed miserably and burst out laughing when it landed with a splat in the oatmeal, which went flying all over Draco.

Tom just shook his head and grinned. No, he wasn't going to kill Potter either.

Besides, it's not like he actually  _could_  kill him.

It seemed to be an unspoken realization between the two of them. After all, Potter was  _Death_ , and you can't kill Death no matter how hard you try, but Tom  _could_  make a good showing of trying to go about doing it.

And that is what everything boiled down too.

This was nothing more than one big epic prank planned by a bored and drunk Master of Death and his equally bored and drunk friend, Tom Riddle.

James Potter and Sirius Black were going to be proud.

"Stupid arrogant show-off. No respect…no manners…doing what he pleases…just like his father." Severus growled, as he ripped up a paper napkin and threw it down on the table in disgust.

"Now Severus." Dumbledore said in a gentle tone. "Harry is just a boy, and you have to remember that he is not James Potter. He is his own person."

"But it's very useful to know that you hate the brat so much Severus. I'll look forward to using this knowledge in the future." Tom said with a smirk. "Vow or not Dumbledore, Severus here hates your Golden Boy." He added, slapping Severus on the back in a brotherly sort of way, which shocked the Potions Master speechless. "And hate is a useful tool."

"Did you hear that Severus?" Dumbledore said with a glare aimed right at Tom. "You're only a tool to him."

"Once again Dumbledore, you amaze me with your ability to twist words." Tom chuckled. "I never once said Severus was a tool. I said  _hate_  was a tool."

"So is love." Dumbledore said with a haughty nod.

"Ah, love." Tom said with a grin. "How utterly pointless. Love is a useless tool."

"Only to those who don't understand it, or are incapable of feeling it." Dumbledore simply replied.

Tom scoffed, but everyone's attention was diverted when the Malfoys suddenly burst through the doors of the great hall. Their eyes frantically swept the room, but when they zeroed in on Draco, who was still trying to get all the oatmeal out of his hair, they sighed in visible relief.

"Looks like they got my letter." Tom said with a smirk, as Lucius scanned the head table.

Tom glared at the man, but dismissed him by motioning towards Draco. Narcissa didn't waste any time trying to get to her son, but Lucius took one last nervous look at Tom before joining her.

Everyone watched as Draco let out a surprised yelp when Lucius hauled him to his feet, but nothing they said could be heard, seeing as Lucius put up a privacy ward. However, it didn't take a genius to know what was going on when Narcissa shoved Tom's letter into Draco's face, and all Tom could do was laugh quietly.

"What did you do?" Dumbledore hissed.

"I didn't do anything except write a letter." Tom said innocently. "Why do you always think I'm up to something evil?"

"Because you are."

"I'm hurt Dumbledore. I truly am. I disappeared for ten years, so how do you know I didn't find compassion during that time?" Tom asked as he raised an eyebrow at the man.

"Because I know you better than that. Besides, you used the imperius curse on me and forced me to sign that contract."

"Ah." Tom said with a grin. "And how does that automatically make me evil? What if I simply wanted to teach these fine, young, upstanding children defensive magic? After all, it's not like you'd just  _let_  me teach, especially because of all my past crimes."

"Is that all they are to you? Crimes?" Dumbledore asked angrily. "If you can simply call them mere crimes, then you haven't changed a bit."

"Again, I'm hurt Dumbledore." Tom said smoothly.

"I doubt it." He hissed.

Severus suddenly cleared his throat loudly, which made Dumbledore look up and Tom to glare furiously at him. Severus swallowed thickly, but his eyes darted to the approaching Malfoys.

Draco was now staring at Tom with wide eyes and he looked incredibly pale for a boy his age, but Lucius shoved him forward.

"Lucius, Narcissa, how can I help you? I must admit that it's quite a shock seeing you here this morning."

"Dumbledore." Lucius acknowledged with a curt nod.

"I'm guessing this visit does not concern the Board of Governors then, or even Draco's sorting?"

"Not at all. Draco's unfortunate placement in Gryffindork is an extreme disappointment to us, but one cannot argue, or go against, the decision made by the Sorting Kettle. We are actually here today because Narcissa and I received a letter from…" His voice suddenly trailed off and he cleared his throat nervously. "…from Professor Riddle."

"You can just call me the Dark Lord and get it over with Lucius." Tom said coldly, as his eyes bored holes into the man's head. "Or do you wish to denounce me again?"

"No My…My Lord. Forgive me My Lord."

"Get on with it then." Tom said coolly.

"Draco has something to say to you My Lord." Narcissa said quietly, as she bowed her head. "Please, have mercy on him."

Tom's eyes darted to the boy, who looked like he was about to wet himself.

"I'm sorry sir please forgive me I was just mad that I didn't go to Slytherin I didn't know who you were and I wasn't thinking sir I was just mad because Potter upset me on the train and my mind got away from me please don't do anything sir I really am sorry my Mum and Dad set me right and it will never happen again sir." He said in one giant breath, as he stood there trembling violently.

"See that it never happens again, and Draco, don't tell anyone who I am. Not even the Slytherin children whose parents belong to me." Tom said, and dismissed the boy with a wave of his hand.

"I won't sir, I promise." Draco said, before hightailing it back to the Gryffindor table.

"Thank you My Lord." Narcissa said as she visibly sighed with relief.

Tom merely nodded, but Dumbledore glared at him in disapproval.

"See, you haven't changed a bit. Draco is just a boy." He said angrily. "And you only think of people as your possessions."

"I know that Draco is just a boy Dumbledore. It's one of the reasons why I didn't kill him last night." Tom replied, completely ignoring the fact that the Malfoys were waiting for his dismissal. "Children make mistakes and need to be given the chance to correct them. I'm not a monster."

A loud scoff came from Minerva, who was sitting on the other side of Dumbledore. Tom raised an eyebrow at her, but chose to ignore it.

"As for your comment about people being my possessions. Well, they  _all_  took my mark willingly. Isn't that right Severus." Tom asked offhandedly.

"C-Correct My Lord." He said with a slight stutter.

"See." Tom said, giving Dumbledore a brilliant smile.

The Headmaster just glared at him, but then he suddenly paled and his eyes widened as Harry finally made his appearance. Tom actually wondered what took him so long to wander over and throw a monkey wrench into the conversation.

"Hiya Hagrid!" Harry said cheerfully as he approached the half-giant, who was sitting on the other side of Severus.

"Good morning Harry." Hagrid said nervously as he glanced at Tom, who was simply smirking.

"You have a minute to talk?"

"No Harry, now isn't a good time…"

"It's ok, you can eat while I talk. I don't mind." Harry replied, effectively cutting the man off. "Listen, Uncle Vernon wanted me to apologize to you for all that he did the day you came and got me. They actually are very nice people, and raised me well. They took me in, gave me love, and really do care for me a great deal." He said, causing Tom to openly stare at him in confusion, but Harry ignored him and continued.

"Anyway, Aunt Petunia wanted me to tell you that we only acted that way in the hut, because they wanted to make sure you weren't working for Mortevold." He said, causing more than a few of the Professors to start stuttering in shock.

Unfortunately, Tom had  _just_ taken a sip of juice when Harry mentioned that little zinger, and he spewed it all over Lucius, who was still standing right in front of him.

Harry grinned innocently at him. "I know Professor Riddle! It's funny isn't it!?" He said, with a laugh. "Everyone is  _sooo_  afraid of saying 'Voldemort', so I decided to jazz his name up a bit and make it funny. Mortevold just fits perfectly because it's all mixed up!"

"Amusing Potter." Tom said dryly, as he watched Lucius nervously wipe the juice off his robes.

"Anyway Hagrid, as I was saying." Harry said as he turned back to the wide eyed half giant. "Uncle Vernon really doesn't think Professor Dumbledore is a crackpot old fool who teaches magic tricks." He said, causing Tom to snort loudly, but Harry continued without missing a beat. "He really does respect him, but like I said, we just had to make sure you didn't work for old What's-His-Name."

Everyone gasped in horror, but Tom just sat there with his jaw clamped tightly shut while holding his breath. Dumbledore glanced at him nervously and saw this, along with Tom's red face, and mistook it for Tom being angry.

However, Tom was simply trying not to burst out laughing.

"But Harry," Hagrid said, trying to change the subject and diffuse the tension. "Are you sure what you are saying is correct? You didn't answer any of your other letters, you didn't know about you're Mum and Dad, and you look like you've never had a decent meal in your life."

Harry stared at the man for a moment, but then he furrowed his brow in confusion. "I don't?"

"Harry look at yourself. You're all skin and bones. Are you sure your Aunt and Uncle didn't put you up to this?" Hagrid asked sternly.

Harry suddenly looked down at himself, but then he let out a loud gasp.

"Oh! I forgot! How did I forget this? It must have been all the excitement!" He exclaimed. "I can't believe I'm so stupid. Oh what was that spell Aunt Petunia told me Mum used when her pants got too small…" He said to himself, as he stared at the ceiling in thought. "Oh that's right, engorgio." He said with a snap of his fingers, then proceeded to stand there and enlarge his clothes with his wand.

Then to everyone's shock, except Tom, who was still watching this spectacle while trying not to laugh, Harry started to grow taller and fill out more. Then he changed his hair to red, and grinned at everyone, especially Snape.

"There! This is how I really look. I can't believe I forgot to do this before I came here, and I'll have to fix all my other robes too." He said with an exasperated sigh. "Anyway, Aunt Petunia, Uncle Vernon, and I came up with a plan, once the Hogwarts letters started arriving, for me to look abused in case Mortevold was trying to play a trick on us. We thought if Mortevold saw how pathetic I looked that he wouldn't see me as a threat and try to kill me again, but now that I have my wand and I'm starting to learn magic, I can defend myself and them, if I need to. So Hagrid, as you can see, I really do look like a normal eleven year old." Harry explained with a gigantic, innocent smile.

"You look just like Lily when your hair is red." Minerva gasped.

"Yeah, Aunt Petunia said I look like Mum when my hair is red because of my eyes, but when it's black, I look more like my Dad because of my facial features and glasses. My hair is actually black, but I sometimes switch back and forth." He said with an innocent smile.

"You're a metamorphmagus Potter. How interesting, because they are very rare." Tom said, with a hint of amusement.

"A meta-what sir?" Harry asked as he cocked his head to the side as if confused.

"Nevermind that Harry. I can explain it to you later." Dumbledore said quickly. "Please tell your Aunt and Uncle that we understand the measures they took to make sure you stayed safe. Now, please run along back to the Gryffindork table and wait for Professor McGonagall to pass out the schedules."

"Sure thing Professor!" Harry said happily, and he literally started bouncing away, but then he suddenly stopped and ran back. "Oh, one more thing. Professor Riddle, you might want to umm…watch your drinks and food and stuff, because last night when Professor Dumbledore introduced you, I heard a bunch of witches mumbling about how cute you are. I think I even heard the words 'love potion' as well."

Tom stared at him wide eyed with his mouth slightly open, but then he snapped it shut and glared at Harry, who was simply smirking at him.

"Thank you for that interesting information Potter. I will monitor my food and drink closely."

"You're welcome." Harry said brightly, but as he turned away, Tom had a sudden idea.

"Hey Potter, just a quick question for you. Do you remember anything about the night your parents died?"

"Tom!" Dumbledore exclaimed angrily, as McGonagall gasped loudly.

However, a small challenging gleam sprang up in Harry's eyes, but then he sighed sadly.

"I've been asked that question a lot actually, but yes I do remember bits and pieces." He said as he gazed at Tom with feigned innocence. "I remember being in my crib, and Mum was whispering things to me. She was crying, but then the door to the room was blasted inward and a man in black walked in. I'm guessing that was Mortevold, but Mum screamed and threw herself between him and me. Then it got weird. I remember he said 'step aside girl'. Then Mum shouted 'no'. Then he said, 'I said, step aside you silly girl', and she told him no again. I know he told her to move one last time, but I don't remember what he said exactly, but Mum stood her ground and wouldn't move." He said, as innocent tears streamed down his face, but then he continued.

"Mum turned her back on him, looked at me, and said, 'tell Sev I forgive him', and then she said, 'I love you Harry', then there was a flash of green. I don't remember anything after that." He said quietly, looking into the shocked faces of Dumbledore, McGonagall, Hagrid, and especially Snape. "I don't know who 'Sev' is and I don't know what Mum forgave him for, but I hope that someday I get to tell him what Mum's last words to him were."

The area around head table, where they all were clustered, was quiet as they all stared at Harry. For the first time ever, that Harry could remember, Snape looked to be on the verge of tears. Narcissa was pale and wide eyed, but Lucius was shooting curious looks at Tom, whose face remained blank. Harry couldn't read his expression, but with a slight legilimency probe, which Tom let through, showed that he was trying not to cry, and Harry knew exactly why.

Tom was remembering his own past life with Lily, which involved a similar scenario.

Harry actually cringed because he hadn't meant to open that wound, but then he sighed and looked at everyone else. "If she would have just moved, she would still be alive." He said sadly, as he shook his head.

Tom blinked a few times, as if to pull himself back to the here and now, but then he looked at Harry and smirked. "It's astounding that you can remember that Potter, given how young you were."

"Well, Aunt Petunia said that even though it was traumatic for me, she's not really surprised that I can remember. She said maybe it's a magical thing because of the message Mum wanted me to give to 'Sev'. Aunt Petunia told me she knows who 'Sev' is, but she never would tell me, which I never understood." He said, as he scratched his head in confusion. "I don't know why Mortevold asked Mum to move though, but it always seemed to me like he didn't want to kill her."

"Maybe he didn't." Tom said offhandedly. "Maybe he knew her and they were friends at some point, or maybe someone asked him not to kill her, but because she didn't move, he ended up doing it." He said, causing Snape to gasp quietly.

"Maybe, but I don't really know. I think that if I should ever meet Mortevold, I will thank him for trying to spare Mum, but then I'll commence to stomping a hole in his butt and kick him between the legs, before turning him into a tea cup, if that's possible." Harry said with firm, determined nod, as he folded his arms across his chest and scowled.

"I will do my best to teach you how to turn things into tea cups Mr. Potter." Minerva said with a smirk, causing Tom to chuckle.

"There are worse things that could happen to old Mortevold." Tom said, as he gave Harry a wink, which caused the 'innocent' looking Harry to suddenly giggle.

However, Tom's use of 'Mortevold' caused everyone to stare at him in shock, but Tom only shrugged it off.

"You wouldn't kill Voldemort, Harry?" Dumbledore asked curiously.

"Nope, because I won't stoop that low, but there are other things I might could do, if I can't turn him into a tea cup." Harry said with a shrug, causing Dumbledore to actually frown at him for some strange reason. "But this topic makes me sad, so I'm not going to think about it anymore, because I don't like to be sad. I like to be happy, so I think I'm going to go back to the table and tell Ron and Hermione a joke, but first I have to stick my fingers in my ears and wiggle them around, while I stick my tongue out." He said with a grin, and then he proceeded to do just that, which made McGonagall giggle as she watched him bounce away afterwards.

"I'm so glad that, despite remembering all of that, he is a happy child." Minerva said, as she glared at Tom. "At least we know you didn't destroy his spirit."

"Yes, he is a happy child. Good for him." Tom said dismissively, but then he blinked at Lucius in confusion. "You're still here?" He asked somewhat shocked.

"Yes My Lord." Lucius replied quietly as he bowed his head.

"You're free to go." Tom said in a tone that clearly suggested Lucius and Narcissa do so quickly.

They did, and Tom watched with some amusement as they left, but Dumbledore's shaky sigh caused him to look over at the old man.

"Tom, I beg you. Harry is just a boy, and he's happy. Please don't hurt him." Dumbledore said, as he looked at Tom in a pleading manner.

"You act like I'm going to murder the boy in his sleep." Tom said with a chuckle.

"That's what you tried to do the first time." Minerva spat, causing Tom to glare at her.

"Or you will try to kill him in the corridors. Or in class." The Headmaster said, as he eyed him carefully.

Tom just looked at Dumbledore and grinned. "I've already told you, I'm not a monster." He whispered gleefully, then he got up and left the head table.

Dumbledore sighed once again, but then he shook his head.

"Minerva, Severus, watch over Harry as best as you can, and I'll keep my eye on Tom."

"Of course Headmaster." Severus said sighing loudly, as Minerva nodded.

Then the two of them got up and began passing out the schedules.

* * *

As Dumbledore sat in his office that morning, he sighed loudly, leaned back in his chair, and stared at the ceiling. He really didn't know what to do. He couldn't fire Tom, or get rid of him in any way because of the stipulations in the magical binding teaching contract. He had gone through every word, clause, and statement in order to find a loophole that would allow him to get rid of Tom, but there was nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Tom had seen to it that Dumbledore's hands were firmly tied behind his back where all things 'Tom' were concerned. About the only thing Tom left to the Headmaster were the day to day operations of running the school, handling the 'political and Ministry' side of things, and overseeing the student's well-being and safety, which, quite frankly, surprised him.

However, there was nothing to prevent Dumbledore from raising his wand at Tom to stop him from harming a student or staff member, or outright killing Tom himself.

Which also surprised him.

_It's because he's arrogant._  Albus thought with a scowl.  _He knows that I would never stoop to such measures as to outright kill him, and as for coming to the defense of others, he thinks he could best me easily._  Then he sighed despondently.  _Yes, that is exactly why he didn't put that in the contract._

But Dumbledore needed to do something. He just didn't know what.

_Something that would distract Tom._  He thought, as he suddenly sat up straight in his chair.  _Something that would divert his attention away from Harry._

The Headmaster knew Tom was an arrogant, selfish person who coveted unique, rare, and valuable objects, and as his eyes landed on the glass case that held the founder's prized artifacts, a plan suddenly began to form in his mind.

_Helga Huffduff's cup, Rowena Ravenflaw's diadem, Godric Gryffindork's sword, and Salazar Slytherin's locket._  He thought with a smile.  _Tom is the Heir of Slytherin, so the locket alone would certainly grab his attention, and with all of the others thrown in, he would not be able to resist._

But was that enough?

_No._  He thought. _I need more. I need gold, lots and lots of it really, but where do I get it from on such a short notice?_

Albus began to pace the floor in front of his desk, but then a solution hit him.

_Nicholas!_  He thought happily. _The Philosopher's Stone can change any metal into pure gold!_

But a sudden disturbing thought caused him to pause.

_These artifacts are here on display for all to see. Tom will know it's a ruse._

He stopped his pacing for a moment, and stared intently at them.

_Ah ha!_  He thought triumphantly.  _I can use the Gemino Charm to make copies!_

It was then that the plan began to fully come together, and the Headmaster couldn't help but smile. It was a perfect plan. He could announce that a large treasure hoard had been found deep under the castle in the underground chambers, and that it contained the founder's artifacts.

_I could say that the artifacts on display might be fake copies, and that the real ones are possibly those that were found along with the treasure hoard. I can say that the goblins will be coming to inspect it all, but are unable to do so right away, so in order to keep it safe, several staff members have been tasked with guarding it!_ He thought as he grinned happily to himself.  _It's perfect!_

"Fawkes!" He suddenly shouted, causing the phoenix to let out a loud, startled cry. "Oh my friend, I am deeply sorry for startling you. Please forgive me." He said, as he walked over to his perch and began to softly pat the bird's head. "But I have thought up what I hope to be a very ingenious plan. Would you be willing to deliver a letter to my friend Nicholas Flamel?"

Fawkes thrilled happily, and Dumbledore smiled.

* * *

"I think Herbology and Charms are going to be my favorite subjects so far." Neville said with a grin as he, Harry, Hermione, and Ron sat down for lunch.

"Well I think History of Magic will be fascinating!" Hermione said with a bright gleam in her eyes. "I mean, who knew that Frankenstein's monster was real, much less a History Professor here at Hogwarts!"

Harry internally groaned and rubbed his forehead. He didn't know if it was himself or Tom who thought up that brilliant idea, but it was disturbing to say the least. 'Professor Frankenstein', as the thing was called, was quite gruesome to see, which is probably why Harry hadn't seen him before now. It would be impossible to try and eat with that thing in the great hall.

However, this change was actually necessary, because ghosts couldn't exist in both realities at the same time. Sure, the ghosts  _were_ here, but they were simply copies of the real ones and couldn't talk or interact with the living at all in this reality. Ghosts were a strange enigma though, because they were souls who refused to move on to the next great adventure. The original Death created a way for them to reside with the living as a mere shadow of the life they once lived. Most souls who chose to become ghosts were new souls who were afraid of what lay beyond the door in the sorting room, and absolutely refused to go through it. Hence the reason why so few choose to become ghosts after they died.

"Did you hear me Harry?" Hermione asked, shaking Harry from his thoughts.

"No Rowena, I didn't." He said, as he gave her a grin. "What did you say?"

"I said, what do you think about Professor Frankenstein?" She asked.

"Oh, well I think he could really use a bath." He said with a wrinkled nose, and causing Ron to snort. "He sort of smells."

"I agree Harry, but having all those dead body parts attached together like that would make it really hard to take a proper bath." Ron said, as he began to eat. "People say he was created by a muggle who tried to create an inferius, and it was only because of lots of stasis charms that he didn't fall apart and rot away before now."

"They also say that he is the only true immortal being, and that he has no soul." Neville added.

_Well, they have that part right._  Harry thought.  _He has no soul._

"But if he doesn't have a soul, how can he walk, talk, and speak, much less teach?" Hermione asked.

"Whiskey." Harry said simply, causing them all to look at him in confusion.

"They say whiskey is a spirit!" Ron said, as he laughed loudly.

Neville burst out laughing, Harry grinned, but Hermione gave them all a disapproving frown.

"That's not funny. Professor Frankenstein is really nice."

"Thank goodness for that, or else he really would be terrifying." Neville snorted.

"I didn't think Gryffindorks could get scared Longbottom." Draco said with a sneer, as he sat down a few seats away from them.

"Oh trod off Malfoy." Ron said, as he glared at the blond headed git. "You're just mad because you didn't get into Slytherin. Besides, it's not like anyone really wants you in Gryffindork anyway."

"Shut up Weasley!" Draco shouted.

Ron made like he was going to jump out of his seat, but Harry and Neville held him in place.

"Don't give him what he wants Ron." Harry said. "Just let it go. If he knows he can make you angry, he will never stop."

"Harry's right Ron." Hermione said with a nod. "Just ignore him, and if he doesn't stop, tell a Professor."

Ron continued to glare at Draco, who was sneering at all of them, but he finally sat back down.

"Yeah, you're both right. He's not worth it." He said with a scowl.

"Just eat Ron." Harry said, shoving a plate of chips towards him. "You'll feel better."

Neville and Hermione laughed, but Ron grinned and grabbed a few of the chips, which caused Harry to chuckle. He was happy that everyone seemed to be getting along. After all, he had been worried about that, seeing as there was no Quirrell, and therefore, no troll to attack Hermione and cause the 'bonding experience' that saw the three of them become best friends. He was also happy that Neville seemed to becoming their best friend too, and Harry was hoping that the 'Golden Trio' would become the 'Golden Quartet'.

That was one change from real reality that he could accept with open arms, instead of face palms, and the fact that Neville was the other candidate for the prophecy just made it even better.

"So what do we have next?" Neville asked, causing Harry to look up a bit startled.

"Defense against the Dark Arts and Transfiguration." Hermione immediately replied.

"Merlin Hermione, do you have the schedule memorized already?" Ron asked with a mouth full of food.

She blushed, but nodded. "I took time at the end of History to memorize it."

Ron stared at her, but shrugged it off and went back to eating, which caused Harry to quietly chuckle.

"Well, I'm personally looking forward to Defense. I mean, Professor Riddle seems pretty neat." He said, causing Draco to chuckle a bit, but everyone chose to ignore him. "I mean, he even laughed at my new nickname for Voldemort." He added, but didn't miss the flinch displayed by Ron and Neville, who instantly paled at the name.

"Don't you know that you're not supposed to say his name?!" Neville cried.

"I get that everyone calls him You-Know-Who, but I like to call him Mortevold. It seems less scary." Harry said.

"You're a braver man than me Harry." Ron said as he shook his head. "And barmy. Did I mention that?"

"At least three times now." He replied with a grin.

"I think Harry has the right to call You-Know-Who whatever he wants." Hermione said, as she pulled her Transfiguration textbook out of her bag. "He did defeat him after all."

"I suppose that's true." Neville agreed. "But you won't catch me calling him that."

"Why not?" Harry challenged. "He ruined everyone's lives, and everyone has the right to call him whatever they want. I mean, if you want to show that your scared of him, then by all means, call him You-Know-Who, but if you want to show that you aren't afraid of him, then call him Mortevold. Yeah, that'll probably make him mad, but you will know that you aren't scared of him."

"Not me, I'll pass." Ron said as he shook his head again.

"I'll get you all saying Mortevold eventually." Harry laughed.

"I don't doubt that you will Potter." Tom said coming up behind him.

Harry turned around and grinned at him, but Tom chuckled.

"I couldn't help but overhear your conversation from the head table, so I decided to throw my two Knuts in. I have to say that I actually agree with Potter though. A wise man once said 'Fear of a name, only increases fear of the thing itself'." Tom said, as he looked at Ron, Hermione, and Neville individually. "So calling You-Know-Who 'Mortevold' shows that, not only are you not afraid of saying 'Voldemort', but you are willing to show just how unimportant you think he really is by giving him an unflattering nickname."

"Yeah, but that'll make him mad though." Neville said.

"What's going on here?" A very nervous Dumbledore suddenly asked, appearing from nowhere.

"Nothing Professor." Harry grinned. "We're just talking."

Tom however, ignored Dumbledore completely and looked at Neville and smiled.

"As for your comment Mr. Longbottom, it could possibly make Mortevold mad, if he ever finds out about it." Tom said with a grin. "But, it will also send the message that not everyone is afraid of him, which would mean he has failed to strike terror into your hearts. Once that happens, you will have an advantage over him." He said, causing Dumbledore's eyes to narrow suspiciously. "I remember the first war Mr. Longbottom, and it's true, Mortevold was a terribly powerful, very dangerous, dark wizard who would prefer killing you, so that he didn't have to look at you, but do you want to know a secret?"

"What?" Hermione, Neville, Ron, and Harry asked.

"Fear and legend helped Mortevold use the terror the wizarding world had for him, against them. People would hear the name 'Voldemort' and start running around like chickens with their heads cut off, and that only made them easy pickings for Mortevold. If you're not afraid of him, you will be able to keep your head in a fight against him, should you ever find yourself in that predicament."

"And we might live to fight another day." Harry said with an understanding nod.

"Exactly Potter." Tom said with a wide grin. "So I encourage you to use the name Mortevold. He won't be as scary, and it will allow you to remain level headed if you ever have to face him."

"That actually makes a lot of sense Professor." Hermione said, giving him a smile. "But can I ask, who said the saying that you quoted, because that is very wise too."

Tom grinned at her. "Professor Dumbledore said it." He said, motioning to the Headmaster, who was still standing there listening to everything with suspicious, narrowed eyes.

"What did I say?" He asked curiously.

"That fear of a name, only increases fear of the thing itself." Hermione replied. "I happen to find that very wise and sensible."

Dumbledore raised a curious eyebrow towards Tom, who smirked at him, but then he cleared his throat and looked at Hermione.

"Why thank you young lady. I'm glad you find an old man's ramblings useful." He said with a smile.

"This is my friend Hermione Granger, Professor. Though, I like to call her Rowena." Harry said with a grin, causing Hermione to give Dumbledore a shy smile.

"It's a pleasure to officially meet you Headmaster."

"Likewise Miss Granger." Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye. "Now, go ahead and finish up your lunch so that you won't have rumbling stomachs during your afternoon classes."

"Yes sir." They chorused, but Harry grinned.

"We have Defense next, and I'm looking forward to it Professor Riddle."

Tom smiled at Harry and ruffled his hair playfully, which made Albus instinctively reach towards his wand. "Well Potter, it's my job to teach you defense, and should Mortevold ever return, it's important to have a generation of witches and wizards who are prepared to oppose him."

"I agree." Harry said with a firm nod, then he turned around and began making himself another sandwich.

Tom chuckled and started to walk away, but Dumbledore was hot on his heels.

"I see what you're planning now." He hissed.

"What am I planning?" Tom asked innocently.

"You're arrogant enough to think that you aren't being challenged enough. You want to teach these children defense so that they can provide you with that challenge." Dumbledore replied angrily. "Not to mention, you are only doing this so that you know what Harry has been taught, and so that you can defeat him easily. You want to be able to throw out the fact that you taught Harry everything he knows when the time comes."

"Oh Dumbledore," Tom said, as the two men retook their seats at the head table. "For a brilliant man, you truly don't know anything."

"I'm right about this, and you know it." Came the angry reply.

Tom simply grinned at that, but neither of them said another word to each other as they sat down to finish their lunch.

* * *

The rest of the day went surprisingly smooth. Tom taught Defense much like Minerva taught Transfiguration, and both Professors had the students taking detailed notes until they thought their hands would fall off. However, Tom assured them that they would start the practical application in a week or so, and by Christmas, he hoped to have them well versed in the knockback jinx, the disarming charm, the shield charm, and basic counter charms such as finite incantatem and others like it.

Some in the class tried to argue about how difficult those defensive charms were, since they were only in first year, but Tom gave each of them the 'Voldemort glare', as Harry quickly dubbed it, and they all quieted down. Harry also thought that Tom's reply of 'if I can do it, you can do it', was pretty spot on as well.

He really wasn't surprised that Tom was actually going to teach them defense though. After all, even Harry knew that Tom wasn't a threat to anyone, so these kids really would need a real education in Defense against the Dark Arts. This supposed 'war' was mostly between himself and the former Dark Lord turned friend, and it really came down to whether or not Tom could outsmart Death himself.

Harry knew that Tom wasn't going to start spouting off about blood purity, killing muggles, muggle borns, and so on. Nor was he going to start shooting off killing curses in the middle of the corridors, but it was going to be funny watching Dumbledore and Snape run around trying to prevent that very thing from happening.

Not to mention, trying to keep Harry safe in the process.

However, as that realization fully sank in, Harry became slightly nervous. If Tom truly wasn't a  _real_ threat to anyone, what would that mean for the world as a whole? Would the universe itself make up the difference and fill in the blank with a real threat?

Harry knew that this thing between him and Tom was really just a big prank on everyone else, and no one had anything to worry about because there wasn't any danger, but would this alternate universe really do that? Would it really put everyone in that kind of danger by causing another Dark Lord to rise?

It was an unsettling thought, but Harry also knew it was a real possibility so he decided to keep his eye out for any sign of that happening. Because more than likely, it would be up to Harry to once again, save the wizarding world.

It was enough to make him bang his head against the wall in frustration.

* * *

It was later that night when Harry puffed into Tom's living quarters, and what he found the man doing was actually highly amusing.

"What did you do now?" He asked, causing Tom to look up at him from the chair he was sitting in.

"You know that video recording charm that was invented two-hundred years ago?"

"Yeah. Listening charms became useless after humans lost their vocal cords, so someone finally invented video recording charms. It can also allow us to hear what they are saying too, which is brilliant by the way." Harry replied, as Tom rolled his eyes.

"Thank you for the needless history lesson Potter, but yes, I placed one in the Headmaster's office, one in Severus's office, one in Severus's living quarters, and one in the staff room." Tom said with a grin. "Then I just tied them back to these four stones so that I can watch them whenever I want." He added, motioning towards four large flat stones that somewhat resembled flat screen tellys.

There really wasn't anything going on at that moment though, but Harry could see into all the rooms Tom had mentioned and about the only exciting thing happening was watching Fawkes clean his feathers.

"Why on earth would you put one in Snape's living quarters?" Harry asked with a smirk. "Are you trying to figure out if he actually washes his hair?"

Tom glared at him. "No, but if I see him walk around in a towel I will know that he at least takes showers. Besides, I have a feeling that Severus feels the safest in there, so he's liable to let his guard down somewhat."

"Watching Snape curse me and my father for several hours while throwing perfectly good whiskey bottles at the wall doesn't seem like good entertainment." Harry laughed, as he conjured a chair and down next to him.

"Don't you have a sorting to do?" Tom said with a grumpy grumble, as they stared at the four stones.

"I already did it." Harry replied with a yawn. "The sorting room exists outside time and space, so while it may take several, several hours to complete, barely a minute or two passes in this reality and real reality."

"What is going on back in real reality? I've been meaning to ask you that."

"Pretty much what I said before. The muggles declared a state of emergency for the whole world, and claimed it to be a zombie apocalypse, but since the 'zombies' aren't trying to eat everyone's brains, they have somewhat back down on that. However, scared muggles are killing off the bodies anyway just to be sure."

Tom chuckled and shook his head, but then he looked at Harry, who was slumped down in his seat. "You look tired."

"I am. A volcano exploded in Alaska and took out several surrounding towns with it. It wasn't pretty, so the sorting was longer than normal." Harry said with a shrug. "Truthfully though, I'm tired because of all the excitement. I'm not really used to moving around this much so I'm terribly out of shape. Walking up and down the stairs all day is a chore, but it will get better. Not to mention, I'm worried."

"About?"

Harry sighed heavily and began telling Tom his theory about the lack of a 'Dark Lord Threat', and what he felt the universe might do to make up for it. Tom just stared at him with wide eyes, but then he also sighed heavily and shook his head.

"Do you really think the universe would put everyone in that kind of danger?" He asked nervously. "I mean, we both know what really is going on here. I'm not about to start killing off muggles, muggles borns, and all the rest. I can't even kill you, and we both know it."

"The universe could, because there always has to be some kind of a threat." Harry replied as he rubbed his forehead. "Besides, I might be the Master of Death, but I'm still Harry Freaking Potter and I have the worst luck with things like this. I truly don't care about the 'people dying' part because death doesn't bother me, but I'd like to avoid another 'Voldemort scenario', if you get my meaning."

Ton nodded. "Yeah I know what you mean." He said angrily, then he got up and started pacing. "I was hoping to just skate through this life by playing an epic prank on mostly Snape and Dumbledore, but if we have to fight a real threat I'm going to be pissed. Is there anything you can do to stop it?"

Harry shook his head sadly. "No, there isn't. I cannot see into the future, so I don't know who it could potentially be, and I don't control people's lives when they are alive. I might be the Master of Death, but I'm not a master puppeteer. As you know, when a witch or wizard dies, their soul comes to me, and we haggle over what their next life is going to be, then they walk through the door in the sorting room. After that, what they do, how they act, how evil or good they actually are, and how successful they are, or aren't, is really out of my control. I don't have any real say after they leave the sorting room."

"Yeah, but Potter, this is  _your_ world." Tom said, hoping that might be what changes this around in their favor. "We made this world together. Surely there is something…"

"No." Harry said sadly, as he shook his head. "The decisions people make now are still their own. I control death, so if someone does die I can send them back, just like I did with Snape, but if someone decides to go on a killing spree, I can't stop it."

"I see." Tom said, as a look of understanding passed over his face. "But if the universe decides to create its own Dark Lord threat and he kills a bunch of people, you can reverse the deaths and make him wonder who, or what, is undermining him."

A look of surprise flitted across Harry's face, but then he grinned. "Yes! I can do that! I honestly hadn't thought about it that way."

"Well, if and/or when the time comes, I guess we could play the whole thing by ear and plan our 'revenge', of sorts, accordingly, but until then what do we do?" Tom asked, as he stopped his angry pacing and sat back down.

"Keep on like we have been." Harry grinned. "I enjoy watching Snape and Dumbledore's reactions when I say something off the wall, but I think we should kick it up a notch."

"What do you mean?" Tom asked curiously.

"Well, I saw 'Scabbers' this morning, and an idea hit me. We break Sirius out of Azkaban."

"What's this 'we'?" Tom ask, raising his eyebrow suspiciously.

Harry just chuckled. "You can be the distraction because of all the other Death Eaters, but we get Sirius out, give him back his memories, heal his mind, and have him help us with our epic prank. He would love this!"

"Again, what's this 'we' thing? Why can't you just puff in there, grab him, and puff back out?"

Harry burst out laughing. "What would be the fun in that? That's boring. If you're worried about the dementors, don't be. The original Death created them, so they answer to me just like they did him."

"What?" Tom asked in shocked surprise.

"I'll explain it later, but just think about it, me, you, and Sirius going through this life as super-secret partners in one big epic prank. It's brilliant!" Harry exclaimed.

"I'm still wondering about the whole, 'Death created the dementors' thing." Tom said with concern.

"Oh its fine." Harry said, waving away Tom's concern. "So will you go with me?"

Tom sighed with exasperation before saying, "I suppose having Sirius around would make this better, and yes, I'll go with you."

"Brilliant! I can talk Sirius into…"

But Harry didn't get to finish that train of thought because the room to the staff door was suddenly pushed open with a loud bang. Tom and Harry glanced up at that room's stone and saw all the other Professors and Dumbledore file in looking grave and worried.

"Ah ha! I knew this was going to happen!" Tom exclaimed with a 'cat catching the mouse' type grin. "And I'm hurt because I wasn't invited to this secret confab." He added with a mock pout.

Harry just snorted, but they watched as Dumbledore stood and began addressing the rest of the Professors.

"Thank you all for taking time out of your very busy evening to be here." Albus said, as he gazed at each Professor. "I called this meeting to find out how you are holding up under the circumstances."

"Potter is going to get himself killed…I can't take much more of this…Albus, the students haven't a clue who Riddle really is…"

All of this was said at the same time by Snape, Sprout, and McGonagall, but the Headmaster sighed loudly and looked at Professor Sprout.

"Pomona." He said encouragingly.

"Headmaster, I can't take much more of this." She repeated with a sob. "I just…I can't…I don't know how to react when he's around. I'm so scared he's going to snap at any moment and kill me, or more importantly, a student. I have a lot of new muggle borns this year and those first year Huffleduffs are defenseless against him!" She cried. "I'm wound up so tightly that I have a constant headache and I worry  _all the time_!" She stressed.

Poppy and Minerva were on their feet instantly. Poppy gave her a calming draught, while Minerva did her best to comfort the distressed witch.

Tom and Harry glanced at each other and shared a guilty grimace, but before either of them could really think on it, Snape opened his mouth.

"Potter is an arrogant, idiotic, stupid child!" He shouted, as Minerva rolled her eyes at him. "He is going to get himself killed. One does not go around giving the Dark Lord nicknames, and they certainly don't threaten to turn him into tea cups!"

"Yes, I agree." Dumbledore said with a tired sigh. "And Tom has suddenly decided to encourage that behavior. He has told Harry and his friends that calling him 'Mortevold' is a good thing. I must admit, it's shocking and I haven't a clue as to why he would do such a thing."

"So You-Know-Who can turn around and kill him." Minerva spat.

"Minerva, I admire your Gryffindork bravery." Dumbledore said gravely. "I really do, but you need to stop doing that in front of Tom. He will not hesitate to kill you."

"I'm not afraid of him." She said with a scowl. "Let him kill me, but he will realize that I won't go down without a fight."

"She's got spunk." Tom said with an amused grin. "Don't worry little kitty cat, I won't hurt you." He purred, causing Harry to chuckle loudly.

Dumbledore however, just sighed and shook his head. "I will be encouraging Harry and his friends to not give Voldemort nicknames, and I want you all to take points away every time you hear them say 'Mortevold'."

"I agree." Professor Flitwick said with a nod. "They won't like it, but it will teach them not to say it."

"And it will keep them safe." Professor Vector added, causing Albus to nod.

"Aw! Professor Riddle, you just became the coolest Professor ever!" Harry cried, causing Tom to snort loudly. "None of the other Professors will let me call you Mortevold!"

"What is You-Know-Who doing here Albus?" Flitwick was asking. "Why did he come here?"

"I don't know." Albus said. "Until such a time as Tom makes his true motives known, I can only guess. I do however, think he is here to find out all that he can about Harry. I have told you all of the prophecy, but there is a reason why I won't tell you what it says."

"You think he's here because of Mr. Potter?" Poppy gasped.

"Oh I have no doubts." Albus said seriously. "I think Tom killed Professor Quirrell just to be able to take over the Defense position."

"Well, he is not wrong about that." Tom said smugly.

"Albus, do you think he will actually teach the students anything?" Minerva asked with concern.

"I don't know. I wasn't able to sit in on his classes this morning due to Ministry business, and other things which I will address shortly, but I want all four Heads of House to begin asking your houses about their Defense class, because I won't be able to sit in on all of Tom's classes."

"Understandable, and wise." Flitwick said with a nod. "I say we give it a week though. That way we don't look suspicious."

"Indeed." Snape said with a nod.

The room was silent for a moment, but then Minerva turned to Snape.

"Severus, how are you holding up? I know this can't be easy for you."

Snape just glared at her, but then he nodded curtly. "I'm fine."

Harry burst out laughing. "Stop lying. You're far from fine."

"That's right Severus." Tom added with a smirk. "You're going to have a nervous breakdown before long."

"I will look after you Severus." Dumbledore said, as he patted the scowling man on the shoulder. "I won't let him…"

"Won't let him what?" Snape snapped. "Kill me? You won't be able to stop him. He doesn't even have to be anywhere near me to kill me. All he has to do is torture me through the mark." He said, pulling up his left sleeve to reveal the black ink of the Dark Mark. "He doesn't need anything else."

Everyone around the table stared at it as if the thing were going to suddenly bite someone, but Albus sighed and shook his head.

"If there is anything I can do…"

"There isn't." Snape growled. "I know I will be dead before long."

"Severus don't say that!" Minerva cried.

"Well what else is there?!" He shouted. "Potter is destined to get himself, and me, killed by aggravating the situation. He's arrogant, petulant, spoiled…"

"He is just a boy!" Minerva shouted hotly.

"And somehow his woes are my fault. Don't worry Professor McGonagall, I'm used to it." Harry added with a laugh.

"Well, technically they are. At least this time." Tom said with a smirk, which made Harry burst out laughing.

"Enough!" Dumbledore shouted, causing the arguing to cease immediately. "There is nothing that can be done about any of this, and arguing about things only makes us weak."

"Is there any way you can get rid of You-Know-Who?" Sprout asked hopefully.

"No Pomona, there isn't." He replied with a tired sigh. "I have gone over his teaching contract and he has tied my hands. However, there is something that we can do to distract Tom and keep his attention focused not on Harry and the other students, but on something else." He said with a twinkle in his eye.

He began explaining about the idea he had that morning, but all Harry could do was sigh loudly and roll his eyes once Dumbledore finished explaining his plan.

"It's the Philosopher's Stone all over again." He said, as he glared at Dumbledore, who was answering questions about his idea. "I should have expected this, but I was hoping to avoid it."

"Does he really think a treasure hoard is going to keep my attention away from killing you?" Tom asked with amusement.

"I guess so." Harry said with a chuckle. "So how about it? Do you want to try for it?"

"I can use the money." Tom said with an interested nod. "I mean, it is real gold so we can exchange it for galleons."

"For a fee of course." Harry laughed.

"Of course." Tom agreed with a smirk.

"Well, if he is going to get the other Professors to guard it like he did the stone, I hope they come up with better 'protections' than they did last time. I hate chess, and I really don't fancy having to tangle with McGonagall's giant chess set again." Harry said, as he glared at the assembled Professors, who were now getting up to leave the staff room.

"I hope for your sake they do. It was a pitiful try on your part the first time."

"Hey! I was eleven!" Harry protested as he swatted at Tom, who ducked out the way.

"Your friends did better than you." Tom said with a smirk.

Harry gave him a mock glare. "Again, I was eleven."

"So were your friends." Tom repeated, causing Harry to roll his eyes.

"Well, I might get them involved again, so no using dark spells." He said, waggling his finger at Tom, who simply laughed.

"I'll make a deal with you Potter. We both go after the treasure hoard, but we split it 70/30. Whoever gets to it first gets the bigger half. However, I won't use dark magic to get it, and you can't just 'puff' down there to steal it."

Harry thought about for a minute, but then he looked at Tom with a raised eyebrow. "I'll use Hermione, Ron, and Neville to get it, and only do minimal work so that I don't 'accidently' cheat." Harry said with a grin, which caused Tom to glare at him suspiciously.

"All right. Deal." Tom said, as he stuck out his hand.

Harry shook it, but then he grinned and puffed out of the room, leaving Tom behind to wonder if that was a smart deal to make.


	5. Snape's Mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to let you all know that this chapter is kind of heavy on dialogue, but I am still trying to build the story and the characters so I apologize for that. I also want to apologize to all my readers who are big fans of Snape. Snape, in this story, is not the innocent angel most fanfics paint him to be. I am trying to use common sense mixed with canon for his character, and this chapter will explain that.

**Chapter 5**

**Snape's Mistake**

The first week of school was an absolute blast for Harry. He hadn't laughed this much since the last time he sent Draco back as a kumquat, and the fact that he kept calling the sneering, snarky boy the citrusy fruit made it even better.

Classes were the same old, same old, with the exception of Frankenstein's monster being the History Professor. Harry still hadn't figured out if it was him or Tom who was responsible for that mess, but at this point it really didn't matter. However, he really was trying to get Ron to pay better attention in class so that Hermione's badgering wouldn't make the red head angry. It was tough work, but the fact that Harry himself was willing to study, read, and get good marks seemed to help Ron try harder.

That seemed to keep Hermione at bay…somewhat.

Neville was doing really well too, so that was a major plus. Harry asked about his wand because he wasn't sure if the lad was using his father's old wand, but Harry beamed at him when Neville said it was a brand new wand from Ollivander's. The new wand helped Neville further his confidence, since he didn't have to try as hard to get his spells right. This was proven to be true when Professor Flitwick was teaching them the levitation charm because Neville was one of the first to do it right.

Of course, Harry and Hermione were the other two who were able to make their feathers float, but when Ron saw all three of his friends doing it, he pushed himself hard and was finally able to make his feather float just before the end of class. Flitwick said it was a record for four first years to complete the spell in their first class, and when he said that not even Percy had accomplished that, Ron puffed his chest out proudly and smiled all the way to dinner that night.

It just made Harry grin, but he also vowed to get Ron a new wand somehow, since it was Charlie's old wand that he was using. Harry just didn't know how to go about doing it yet.

Tom seemed to be having a good week as well, though, Harry really wasn't sure what all he was up to. On the third day of school, Tom suddenly stopped eating at the Head Table and decided to mingle with the students. At first he sat at the Slytherin table, which seemed to set Dumbledore on edge, but the next day he sat at the Ravenclaw table, which confused everyone. Then he sat at the Hufflepuff table, which made Professor Sprout have a panic attack and caused her to have to be escorted to the hospital wing.

However, on Friday morning Harry and company were enjoying their breakfast when Tom plopped down in the seat right next to Neville, who was sitting opposite of Harry.

"Oi!" Angelina cried with a grin, from further down the table. "We don't want any stinking Slytherin Alumni sitting over here!"

"One point to Gryffindork for having the courage to basically tell me to take a hike Miss Johnson!" Tom said loudly, causing the third year girl to laugh. "I would give more points, but I'm liable to get into trouble with the Headmaster for doing it." He added with a grin.

This caused that section of the table to burst out laughing, but everyone went back to their breakfast. Tom turned to face Harry and his friends, and found Harry smirking and Neville, Ron, and Hermione looking at him in confusion.

"I've been talking to the upper years in all the houses trying to get a feel of what they expect, and would like to learn in Defense." He explained, as he began filling his plate. "I figured that talking to them in a relaxed setting, instead of a formal classroom, would be best, seeing as it wouldn't take up class time."

"Well that makes sense." Harry said with a nod. "But we are first years, so what would we know about the class, or about anything that would help us decide on what to expect and learn?"

"I understand that Potter." Tom said with a nod. "But that's not why I have chosen to sit with you all today."

"Then why Professor?" Hermione asked curiously.

Tom sighed heavily and looked at each of them with concern. This caused Harry to raise a suspicious eyebrow at him, but Harry decided to keep quiet and see where Tom was going with this.

"Well, I know what I am about to say and do is extremely unprofessional, but I feel the need to warn you. Today you all have your first potions class, and I must tell you something about Professor Snape, he doesn't like any of you, especially you Potter." He said looking at Harry with feigned concern. "It's no secret that he doesn't like Gryffindorks to begin with, but something about you, Potter, just seems to set him off in a way that no other student does. He has done nothing but talk bad about you in staff meetings and other places, and he calls you vile names that are, quite frankly, unfitting to repeat. Just be careful in his class. If he takes points for stupid reasons, which he has been known to do, tell me so I can reverse them, and if he gives you detention for anything, tell me that too, and I'll see about you serving that detention with me instead."

"With you?" Harry asked innocently.

"Yes Potter, I don't trust Professor Snape." Tom said, as he continued to put on an air of feigned concern. "Just watch yourselves, and try and stay out of trouble."

"But why would a Professor do such a thing?" Hermione asked as she furrowed her brow in confusion. "I don't understand it. It's very unprofessional for a Professor act that way towards students, and surely the Headmaster would put a stop to it."

"He doesn't though." Ron said. "I have five older brothers that have come to Hogwarts, and all of them have said things about Snape. He doesn't like Gryffindorks, and he will punish Gryffindorks even if they haven't done anything. They say he also sides with Slytherins, even if they were the ones doing wrong. Charlie and Bill, my two oldest brothers, even warned me about him."

"It's true, at least from what I've seen so far." Tom said with a nod. "I was a Slytherin too, but I always believed in fairness, much like a Hufflepuff does."

"Huffleduff." Harry corrected, causing Tom to roll his eyes.

"Huffleduff, sorry." He said. "Not all Slytherins are evil, even though many think that we are."

"Well it's silly to paint a whole house with the same brush." Hermione said. "It's like a muggle saying that all witches and wizards are murders because of what You-Know-Who did."

"You mean Mortevold." Harry said as he took a bite of toast.

Hermione sighed and frowned at him. "Harry you lost five points from Professor Flitwick this morning for saying that on the way here. He said not to call You-Know-Who that name."

"Fine then. I'll just start calling He-Who-Shall-Remain-Unimportant different names." He said, causing Ron to snort, and Hermione to huff with disapproval.

Tom just chuckled, but it was Neville that steered the conversation back to the original topic.

"But what would cause Professor Snape to act that way?" Neville asked. "I just don't understand it."

Tom sighed heavily. "Listen to me carefully." He whispered, as he leaned closer to them. "Snape was proven to be a Death Eater in the war." He said, causing them all to gasp.

"But why…?" Hermione started to ask, only to be cut off by Tom.

"They say he turned from that path at the very end of the war, and Dumbledore himself vouched on Snape's behalf to keep him out of Azkaban." He explained further.

"Well then he changed, didn't he?" Hermione asked as she tilted her head to the side.

"Not necessarily. Snape could be a spy that Mortevold sent to try and find out what the Light Side's plans were." Tom said, as he shook his head. "Just pay attention to how he acts towards you all, especially you Potter. Then make up your own mind."

"He would…he would hate me because I stopped his true Master. I stopped He-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless." Harry gasped, as if it had just dawned on him.

Tom stared at him for a moment because of the new nickname, but then let out a tiny snort before nodding. "Yes, that would be my guess Potter."

Their little group was silent for a few moments, but then, as if one, they all turned to look at Snape. The fact that Snape was also looking towards their group didn't help, especially when he scowled furiously when he noticed that they were looking back at him.

It caused Ron, Hermione, and Neville to gasp loudly and turn back to their plates quickly.

Harry, however, bit his lip to keep from laughing.  _Trust Snape to prove everything 'true' with one scowl._  He thought, but then he sighed and looked at Tom. "Ok Professor Riddle. We will be careful, but I want to get the truth at the first opportunity, so that I know whether I can trust him or not."

"Understandable." Tom replied gravely.

"We should still reserve judgement though." Hermione said. "I mean, he is a Professor."

"True, but just keep in mind what I said Miss Granger." Tom said, as he patted her on the arm. "And you be careful as well."

"Yeah." Harry said with a nod. "Because What's-His-Name and his merry band of black cladded hooligans didn't play nice with muggle borns, and if Snape is a Death Eater spy, he won't like you either."

"Merry band of black cladded hooligans?" Tom said with a loud laugh, causing Dumbledore, who had been keeping a sharp eye on them the whole time, to frown at them. "I like that one Potter."

Harry just grinned at him, but then he gasped loudly. "I better change my hair back to black then." He said, as he did just that. "I wouldn't want to anger Professor Snape by trying to look like my Mum, who was a muggle born."

Tom clamped his jaws together to keep from laughing, but he glanced at Harry and caught a fleeting smirk before he nodded.

"A wise decision Potter." He said, then he got up from his seat, and walked towards Angelina and her friends.

Harry and Tom knew what the other was playing at, but both were willing to play off of each other, and then they would sit back and watch the explosion.

* * *

It was shortly after that when the four Gryffindor first years headed up to the tower to get their books and other things that they would need for their morning classes. Once they arrived, Harry volunteered to go get the other two boy's things, while Hermione scampered up to the girl's dorm, but Ron stopped him.

"Its ok Harry, I'll go get them. Besides, I need to give Scabbers his breakfast anyway." He said, pulling out a few leftover pieces of sausage and toast that was wrapped up in a napkin.

Harry was about to nod and let the boy do it, but a sudden idea sprang up in his mind. For the last few days he had been trying to find a way to get Peter alone so that he could talk to him, but so far he'd been unsuccessful in his attempts.

This provided the perfect opportunity.

"No Ron its ok, I'll do it. I don't mind giving Scabbers his breakfast. Besides I was in a rush this morning due to sleeping in a bit, so my bag isn't packed yet and it might take me a minute or two find my stuff."

Ron simply shrugged, but handed the leftovers to Harry, then he and Neville shuffled over to the corner, where Fred and George were trying to get their attention. It looked like they were planning something, and given those two, it could be anything.

Harry just shook his head before heading up to the room, but on the way up he ran into Draco, who was making his way back down. The blond blocked the staircase, and smirked at Harry as he gave him an annoyed look.

"So Potter, you think that the new Defense Professor is brilliant, don't you?" He asked with a superior smirk.

"Yes Draco, I do. He seems like a decent bloke. He's not all that strict, and he seems like he's more laid back than the other Professors. Why?"

Draco simply scoffed, but then he grinned wickedly at Harry. "I'd enjoy myself if I were you Potter, especially while you can. You might be dead before the year is over."

"Oh, are you going to get dear old Death Eater Daddy to kill me Draco?" Harry asked with a laugh. "Because I do believe that he's too stupid to really be a threat to me."

"Don't you talk about my father Potter." Draco hissed threateningly, but then he smirked again. "I'd just watch my back if I were you."

"Yeah, yeah Malfoy. Whatever." Harry said, as he roughly shoved the boy to the side and headed up the stairs.

Draco glared at him, but seeing as Percy was coming down the stairs from one of the upper levels, Draco didn't get a chance to say, or do, anything to him. Once Harry entered the dorm though, he carefully and silently warded the door so that no one would catch him talking to Peter, then he turned towards Ron's bed, where Peter was, predictably, curled up fast asleep.

Harry just chuckled and smiled a bit as he watched the sleeping rat. He had actually gotten to know Peter quite well over the last two thousand years, and truthfully, he held no ill will towards the man. In real reality, Peter had been a relatively 'new soul' who had only lived two lives at this point in time, but after sorting him a few times, Harry had realized that Peter was actually a pretty decent person. It was just that, in this life, he had been a bloody coward.

"Hey Scabbers, I've got your breakfast." Harry said, as he gently nudged the rat.

Peter cracked open one eye, but sniffed the napkin as Harry unfolded it. Then Harry laid down right beside the rat, and watched Peter as he began to eat.

"Listen, I don't want to alarm you, or scare you, so you need to listen to me very carefully. I know you have heard me and the others talking about Professor Riddle, but I also know you have never seen the man, so I want to let you know that Tom Riddle is really Voldemort."

Peter stopped in mid chew and stared at Harry, before realizing what he was doing. Then he began to eating again, although this time much more slowly.

"I know this sounds crazy coming from me, but I want you to know that everything I'm telling you is true. He and I have come to an understanding. In the last ten years he has changed drastically, and while I talk about the Dursleys as if they were the greatest thing ever, the truth is they hate me and treated me like a house elf. Tom came to me when I was four, took me from them, and raised me as his own son. When it was time for my Hogwarts letter to come in, he actually sent me back to them, and modified their memories so that Dumbledore wouldn't find out. I knew from about the age of six who he was, what he did, and everything else, but I forgave him, just like I have forgiven you for betraying my parents."

Peter's eyes flickered to Harry briefly, but he still continued to slowly eat the sausage, though he kept on eye one Harry the whole time, while trying to look for an escape route, should one be needed.

"While Tom is still the Dark Lord, he's not the raving lunatic that he once was, and he and I have cooked up a brilliant plan, a prank if you will, that is mostly aimed at Dumbledore and old Snivellus, but its for the rest of the world too." Harry said as he grinned at the rat, who was now outright staring at him, but then Harry continued.

"He's not going to kill me, and I'm not going to kill him, but I thought you ought to know that. I don't want to alarm you when I say this next part, so Peter, I need you to listen carefully because I have something I need you to do for me."

At hearing his name, Peter let out a loud squeak, but he sat frozen as he stared at Harry with wide eyes.

"Tom still has control over the Death Eaters, but eventually, he may start losing control of them because of his changed ways. I need you to remain with Ron and the rest of the Weasleys, in order to protect them." He said, as he gazed at the rat with honest, pleading eyes. "Ron is my best friend, and the whole family is precious to me, and your cover, if you will, is simply perfect. If word gets out that Tom has changed, the Death Eaters may want revenge, and I'm afraid that the Weasleys, because of their association with me, will be caught in the crossfire. I need you to protect them." He repeated, as he continued to gaze at the rat. "If you are out and about around the castle, and you hear of anything from the Slytherins that even  _hints_  about this sort of thing happening, I need you to find either me or Tom, and let one of us know so that Tom can act accordingly and stop any dissention."

Peter continued to sit there in a frozen state of shock, but Harry sighed and reached into his pocket to pull out a wand. Peter eyed it warily and backed up a bit, but then he suddenly looked at it in confusion.

"You recognize it, don't you?" Harry asked as he laid the wand down on the bed. "It's yours. Don't ask me where Tom got it from, because I don't know, but you need it if you are going to protect the Weasleys. Stay with them, please, I beg you. Watch over them Peter." He said, but then he sighed.

"There is one more thing I need you to do though. Fred and George have the map. You know what map I speak of, but I need you to sneak into their dorm and get it back, without hurting them. It would not be good for them to discover that 'Scabbers' is really not a rat, if you get what I mean." He said, as he gave Peter a knowing look. "When you have it, just put it in my trunk so that I can get into my own mischief." He said with a grin, as he stood up. "I plan to, somehow, sneak into old Snivellus's rooms and prank him until he cries." Harry added with a feral grin, but then he looked at Peter squarely in the eye.

"If you need it, I will have Tom send you confirmation that everything I have said is true, and I'll get him to send you this confirmation through your Dark Mark. He will probably just use Snape's, so if you feel a sudden, brief, sharp pain in your left forearm, you'll know it's him. I know you are scared Peter, but I want to tell you that you have nothing to fear. Please trust me." He said, as he continued to gaze down at the trembling rat, but then he grabbed his bag, along with Ron's and Neville's, and slung them over his shoulder.

"One more thing before I go though. Tom and I are planning to break Padfoot out of Azkaban. When you hear of this, don't panic. I will do something to Padfoot that will make him think he was the secret keeper, and that you are dead, so don't be surprised if you hear talk of it. You are safe Peter, please remember that. Tom and I will look after you." Harry said, just as he opened the door and walked out.

He left behind a thoroughly confused and trembling Peter Pettigrew, but there was one thing that the rat did know. If Harry knew who he was, then so did the Dark Lord, and if Peter knew what was good for him, he'd stay put and do what Harry told him to do, least he suffer his Master's wrath.

It didn't matter to Peter that Harry said Tom had changed, because he didn't believe that for a second. He figured that was just something the Dark Lord told Harry so that he could gain the boy's trust, even though a small part of him did hope that what Harry said really was true.

But he was not willing to take that chance by running away and possibly suffering for it later. No, he'd stay put and do  _exactly_  what Harry told him to do.

Harry, for his part, just grinned to himself as he headed for the common room. It was true that he wanted Peter to look after the Weasleys, and the reasons he gave the rat were not unfounded, especially given this possible 'Dark Lord' threat that the universe might throw at them. He knew he was using Peter's fear of Tom to make Peter do what he wanted him to do, but he also knew that Tom would back him up on it and send the confirmation.

Simply because Harry knew Tom wouldn't care about it one way or the other.

Besides, once the news of Sirius's escape broke, Harry didn't want Peter to run. He needed the rat for various reasons, though he was choosing to keep those reasons a secret…for now.

"Merlin, Harry! Finally!" Ron exclaimed, as he took his bag from Harry's outstretched hand.

"Sorry guys. It took me a while to find my potions book." Harry lied, as he handed Neville his bag.

"Well we need to get going." Hermione said. "We are going to be late, and given what Professor Riddle said about Professor Snape, I don't want to make him angry at us."

"Oh, I already plan to see if Professor Riddle was telling the truth." Harry replied.

"Harry, what are you going to do?" Hermione demanded.

Harry only grinned at her. "You'll just have to wait and see."

"Oh Merlin help us." Neville said with a sigh, and then they all made a mad dash towards the portrait hole.

* * *

They made it with only a minute to spare, and given Draco's disappointed look when they arrived, they knew that Snape hadn't realized that they were almost late. In fact, Snape wasn't even in the classroom when they entered, so they quickly found seats. Ron and Harry partnered up, while Hermione and Neville became partners. Harry just hoped that Hermione could keep Neville on task, so that he didn't blow up his cauldron this time.

That is, if they didn't get thrown out of class first.

Draco was, unsurprisingly, sitting with the Slytherins, though he looked a little odd sitting there without his bookends, since Crabbe and Goyle were now in Hufflepuff. Harry just grinned. Yes, it was true, Harry knew about this particular change beforehand, and when Draco eventually learned the truth, he was going to kill Harry.

In real reality though, Harry had always thought that the Malfoys were buffoons, dangerous buffoons, but buffoons nonetheless. He thought it was very  _brave_  of Malfoy Sr. to claim to be under the imperius when the man knew fully well that Voldemort was not dead and gone. After all, the Dark Mark had only faded, not gone away completely.

Claiming to be under the imperius was not a very Slytherin thing to do, at least in Harry's opinion.

Furthermore, Lucius had his arse handed to him, by six teenagers with barely five years of magical knowledge, in the Department of Mysteries, and had fallen out of favor with Voldemort by the end of the war.

Again, not very Slytherin of him.

Harry didn't even want to think about the diary though. After all, who in their right mind would give away, a  _possession_ of the _ Dark Lord's _to a mere eleven year old girl?

Simple answer. Only a brave idiot.

As for Draco, well, Harry thought the boy was also an idiot, plain and simple. Draco was too much of a braggart to be taken seriously, and all he did was ride his Daddy's coat tails. As far as Harry was concerned, Draco had zero self-preservation skills, common sense, and acted rashly and without much thought put into his 'cunning plans'.

It sounded like Gryffindor traits to Harry, so he had changed Draco's sorting. Besides, it would be  _much_  easier to give the boy hell if he was in the same dorm room as Harry himself.

However, Harry was shaken out of these thoughts when the door to the classroom suddenly opened with a loud bang. Half the class jumped in their seats, while the other half let out terrified squeaks. Snape's eyes roamed around the classroom, but then he smirked at all of them in a superior fashion.

Harry rolled his eyes in annoyance as Snape launched into his old familiar speech about 'foolish wand waving' and 'silly incantations', but unfortunately, Snape saw him do it.

"So Potter, you think my warnings are beneath you?" He snarled, as he swooped over to him and Ron.

"No sir, I was just thinking about something Malfoy said to me this morning. My eye roll wasn't directed at you." Harry replied smoothly, knowing what Snape was going to say next.

"So you admit that this class is beneath you?" Snape sneered. "After all, you just admitted that you don't want to pay attention."

"No sir, that's not true. I heard all that you said, but when you mentioned putting a 'stopper in death', it just brought to mind something that Malfoy said to me. He told me I'd be dead before the end of the year. Is there really a potion that can stop death? If so, you have my full attention sir." Harry replied, as he stared up at Snape with an innocent expression.

"Five points from Gryffindork for your cheek Potter, and as for your question, no, a potion cannot stop death, only delay it." He growled as he stared down at Harry. "Now let's see if your fame has gone to your head Potter. Let's see if you even thought about opening your book before you stepped into this classroom." He said with a sneer, but Harry barely managed to refrain from rolling his eyes again.

To his surprise though, the questions were different than the last time.

"Tell me Potter, what is Dittany used for?" Snape asked, as he stared at the boy impatiently.

Harry knew very well what it was used for, but choose to keep that to himself.

"I'm not sure sir." He said quietly.

"Well, let's try another. Tell me  _Potter_ ," Snape snarled, "what is a Pepper-Up potion?"

"I don't know sir." Harry replied, as he stared at his desk.

"You don't know." Snape said with a scoff. "One more time Potter, which of the following ingredients is found in the Cure for Boils? Snake fangs, mandrake roots, or fairy wings?"

Harry only shook his head as he continued to stare at the desk, but he jumped when Snape slammed his hand down right in front of him.

"A verbal answer Potter!" Snape shouted, causing Harry to look up at him quickly.

"I-I don't know s-sir." He answered meekly.

A vicious gleam entered Snape's eye as he looked down at the boy. "Well, Potter, clearly you are brainless, just like your father was, and it seems to me that your  _precious_  fame  _has_  gone to your head." He sneered, then he turned his back and stalked to the front of the class.

And that was when Harry took the opportunity to do something he had always wanted to do. He grabbed his potion's textbook, and chucked it right at the back of Snape's head. The whole class gasped loudly, which caused Snape to turn around quickly, but he didn't have time to throw up a shield and the book hit him full force in the face.

Harry just stood there with a furious scowl, and watched as Snape attempted to stop the blood that was pouring out of his broken nose.

"You think I like my fame  _Snape_?" Harry snarled, causing the man to glare at him with hatred. "My mother died to protect me, so do you really think I enjoy this? If you do, then there is something wrong with the way your  _puny_  little brain is wired." He growled, causing Hermione to gasp loudly. "You don't like me, I get it, though I don't know why, and frankly, I don't give a damn. You are a supposed  _adult_  who apparently enjoys belittling children like me in this kind of fashion. I find you  _pathetic_." He spat.

Snape's eye's narrowed and his bloody face twisted into a gruesome scowl. "I'm pathetic? How dare you? You are nothing but a small, arrogant, worthless, little worm who doesn't even know the answers to simple potions questions!" He screamed.

It was at this point when Harry smirked. "Dittany is a healing plant used for re-growing skin over large cuts and scrapes, and it also helps reduce scars. Pepper-Up potion is a cure for the common cold, and snake fangs are the ingredient used in the Cure for Boils."

Snape's eyes widened for a brief moment, but then they narrowed dangerously. "You set me up." He growled. "You set me up!"

"Yes, yes I did." Harry said with a proud smirk. "I can't believe that a Slytherin of your caliber actually fell for it."

"Detention Potter, and one-hundred points from Gryffindork!" Snape shouted as he stomped towards him, but Harry's wand was in his hand in an instant.

"Don't come any closer to me." He warned, as he aimed the wand right between the man's eyes. You may think I don't know anything that could hurt you, but you better think again…Snivellus."

Snape stopped dead in his tracks and actually started frothing at the mouth as he glared at Harry, but Harry only smirked again.

"Just so you are aware, I was testing a theory, and it seems that what Professor Riddle told me this morning is actually true. Ron, Hermione, Neville, grab your stuff, and mine too, if you don't mind Ron. We have to go tell Professor Riddle of this immediately."

"I didn't want to believe it Harry. I really didn't. I just don't understand how a Professor can get away with acting like this. If this were the muggle world, this man would have already been thrown out of this school on his bum." Hermione said in a shaky voice, as she quickly grabbed her stuff. "But I agree, Professor Riddle needs to know about this."

"Yes he does." Harry said with a smirk. "And at least my detention will be served with him, rather than with this greasy bat who is still, clearly, a firm supporter of the Death Eaters and He-Who-Was-Defeated-By-A-Toddler. No wonder Snapey-Poo here doesn't like me."

"Well Harry, Professor Riddle did promise that he'd reverse any points and get your detentions switched from Snape to him, so there isn't anything to worry about." Ron said with a smirk, as he handed Harry his bag.

"I personally think it's because Professor Riddle wants to protect you from this supposedly 'reformed' Death Eater." Neville added, as he glared at Snape.

"I have to agree with you Neville." Harry said with a grin, as he slowly backed out of the room with his wand still pointed at Snape's head.

Snape was staring at them with a mixture of pure horror and shock, as the full weight of the situation came crashing down on him, but once his friends were safely out of the room, Harry simply smiled at Snape.

"You, Snivellus, have just been out 'Slytherined' by a Potter. Have a nice day!" He cried cheerfully. Then he ran as fast as he could, while laughing obnoxiously.

* * *

The four first years ran all the way up the dungeon stairs, into the entrance hall, and all the way up the moving stair cases. They didn't slow down until they reached the door to the Defense classroom, which opened with a loud bang, and slammed shut with just as much force. Tom jumped a foot in the air at all the unexpected noise, and the whole class, which was made up of fourth year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, turned around just in time to see the four friends collapse onto the floor in exhaustion.

Harry looked at Tom and nearly burst out laughing. Tom had clearly been in the middle of demonstrating a wand movement of some sort, and he was paused right in the middle of it, standing still as a statue, while staring at the intruders with a shock and confused expression. It just made Harry grin and shake his head, while desperately trying to catch his breath.

He really was out of shape.

"Umm…Potter?" Tom asked as he tried to regain his senses, but Hermione suddenly realized that everyone was staring at them and jumped to her feet with a small shriek.

"Professor! We are so sorry, but we had to try and out run Professor Snape because we think he is chasing after us! Harry threw a book at his head, and it hit him in the face and broke his nose!" She cried.

"What!?" Shouted half the class as they stared at Harry with newfound respect, then they began whispering amongst themselves.

"Alright, just calm down Miss Granger." Tom said as he swiftly made his way towards them. "Potter, start at the beginning."

So Harry told him what he did, and by the time he was done telling Tom the very short story, the rest of the class was grinning at the firsties who had managed to gain the upper hand on the hated greasy bat.

Tom however, just smiled at him. "It was a very cunning plan, and if I may say, very Slytherin like Potter." He said, as Harry grinned at him.

"I was just trying to get to the truth sir." Harry said with a proud smirk. "I hope you can forgive me for doubting you, but I figured I should try and get to the truth quickly, rather than trying to drag it out."

"Hmm." Tom muttered, as he stared at the ceiling in thought. "Perhaps that was a bit Gryffindorkish, but it'll have to do." He said, just as the door slammed open again.

It was Snape, and given that the man had yet to clean all the blood off his face, it made him look even more frightening than usual. Everyone screamed at the sight, but Tom wheeled around, and for the second time that day, Snape found himself facing the business end of a wand.

Out of simple habit, Snape brought his wand up too, and both of them stood there facing each other, as Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Neville crowded behind Tom in the hopes that he could protect them.

Tom just stood there with an unwavering, cold, dangerous expression, as his eyes grew dark with fury. "You dare raise your wand…?" He hissed threateningly, letting his voice trail off purposely.

But his unspoken 'at me', was not lost on Snape, and even though the Potions Master was glaring at the four first years with rage, he immediately lowered his wand.

Tom however, did not.

"I suggest that you stop chasing these terrified children all over the castle, and take your grievances to the Headmaster. From what they have told me, you deserved all that you got." Tom said, as he continued to glare at Snape. "And believe it when I say, I know that they did not lie to me." He added, leading Snape to believe that he had used legilimency on the four first years.

Tom was not done though, but he did suddenly smirk at Snape, which seemed to catch the man off guard. "How dare you belittle a child in such a fashion? How dare you use the boy's dead father against him? Potter is right, you are supposed to be the adult, but you are acting like a simple school yard bully. Your actions against him are simply unfathomable and you should be ashamed of yourself. How many points did he take from you Potter?"

"Umm…one-hundred and five sir." Harry said quietly. "And thank you sir, for standing up for me. I know that what I did was wrong, but…"

"It was understandable Potter…given the circumstances, and I hope you, and your friends, will continue to come to me, if you feel you are being mistreated by  _any_  of the staff."

Harry smiled brightly at him. "We will sir! Thank you!"

Tom simply smiled at him. "Very good. One hundred and ten points to Gryffindork for coming to a  _responsible_ Professor, and did he give you detention as well?"

"Yes sir." Harry said with a small nod.

"Which you will be spending with me." Tom said, but then he looked at Snape. "Is this acceptable to you, Professor Snape?" He asked, in a tone that left no room for argument.

"Yes My...Professor Riddle." Snape replied, though Tom smirked at the almost slip.

"Good." He said with a nod. "Now, I suggest you leave my classroom at once, or I will make you leave by force. Is this understood?"

"Yes, Professor Riddle." Snape said in a dull, complacent tone, then he quickly bolted out the door.

Harry bit his lip hard to keep from laughing, but then Tom turned towards them and smiled.

"I still have a class to teach, so I want the four of you to head to Gryffindork Tower, and stay there until it is time for your next class."

"But sir," Ron said nervously. "What if Snape is waiting for us out there?"

"Hmm," Tom mumbled, "good point Mr. Weasley. Alright, go to my office and work on the essay I set for your class, but if you are already done with that, feel free to poke around my bookshelves. You are old enough to quietly keep yourselves busy, so use your heads please."

"Yes sir." They chorused.

Hermione's eyes lit up at the prospect of rifling through a Professor's bookshelves, but they all nodded and quietly headed up the stairs and into Tom's office. There was a small table in the corner that had a few chairs around it, but Harry chose to be cheeky and sit in Tom's chair behind his desk. They were all finished with their Defense essay though, so Ron and Neville took out their Transfiguration homework to check over it, seeing as they had Transfiguration next, but Hermione threw Harry a disapproving look before she began scanning the book titles on the shelves.

The reason for Hermione's disapproval was because Harry was leaning back in Tom's chair with his feet propped up on the desk, and he closed his eyes and grinned as he mentally replayed the events of the last hour or so. Tom had come through brilliantly, though Harry really hadn't expected anything less, and he couldn't wait to watch the recording of Snape and Dumbledore's conversation later that night. He briefly thought about putting Hermione, Ron, and Neville to sleep, so that he could slip into Tom's living quarters and watch Snape's rant take place as it was happening, but he dismissed that idea.

Besides, it would be more fun to watch it with Tom later.

It was then when Harry's thoughts turned to Peter, and he suddenly sat up, grabbed a quill and piece of parchment off of Tom's desk, and began writing a letter to Tom explaining what he had told Peter that morning.

When he was done, Harry glanced at his friends, who were engrossed in their own activities, and silently charmed the words to be unreadable, but then he folded it in half, and placed a pulsating charm on it. This charm was invented four hundred years ago, in real reality, and would cause the letter glow with a soft, pulsating light. It would also let Tom know that it was of the utmost importance, seeing as that was what the charm was supposed to be used for.

Then he smirked and wrote a short message on the outside of it.

_Who was the man that invented the pulsating charm? Speak the name aloud to reveal this letter's contents._

Tom would know the answer to that, seeing as it was himself who did it, but that was beside the point.

Harry finally got up and joined his friends at the small table, then he sat down with a sigh, rubbed his eyes, and looked at Hermione and smiled.

"Rowena, I'm surprised that you haven't yelled at me for what I did."

She gave him a loud, exasperated sigh. "I was going to, but then I thought about it and decided against it." She replied. "I looked at your situation, as if it were me in your shoes, and I realized that how you reacted was natural. I don't like the fact that you set him up, but I do understand why you did it. However," she said, giving him a small glare, "I do not condone you throwing a book at his head."

"That's my Rowena." Harry said with a grin, causing Hermione to roll her eyes at him.

"I personally think he deserved it." Ron said smugly. "I've heard stories about Snape, like I said this morning, but I have never heard of someone standing up to him like that."

"Which 'someone' are you talking about?" Neville asked with a chuckle. "Professor Riddle or Harry?"

"Both." Ron grinned. "I normally don't like Slytherins, because most of them are evil, but he seems pretty decent. He went out of his way to help us this morning,  _and_ he caused Snape to almost piss himself."

"Ron!" Hermione screeched. "That's not a nice thing to say."

"But it's true." Neville laughed, causing Hermione to glare at him, but then Neville sighed. "Look Hermione, you're a muggle born, and there is nothing wrong with that, but you have to understand something, the Death Eaters are murders, scumbags, and all around vile people. They killed, raped, and tortured innocent men, women, and children, both muggles, and witches and wizards. After You-Know-Who disappeared, four Death Eaters broke into my house and tortured my parents with the cruciatus curse until they went insane, simply because they were angry about him disappearing." He said, causing her to stare at him in horror. "My parents are stuck in the St. Mungo's long term spell damage ward, and they will never recover. They don't even know who I am." He added quietly, but then he scowled, though it wasn't aimed at Hermione.

"So, I don't feel sorry for Snape one bit." Neville continued. "He's a Death Eater, and while I know he wasn't one of the ones who tortured my parents, he is still a Death Eater."

All four of them were quiet for a few minutes, but Hermione finally nodded.

"I understand completely now." She said quietly, as she looked at Neville with tears in her eyes. "I'm so sorry for what happened to your parents, and I guess I can't blame you for how you feel. It's one thing to read about the war in books, because they actually water down what happened, but to hear what happened from friends who were affected by it, it sort of…it sort of…"

"Makes it real." Harry finished quietly.

"Yes." She whispered, with a nod. "It makes it real."

"I know what you mean." Ron said quietly as he glanced at Harry and Neville. "My twin Uncles, Fabian and Gideon Prewett, were killed by Death Eaters. I know that's not the same as you two losing your parents, but…"

"You still lost family Ron." Harry said as he patted the red head's arm. "So it doesn't make it any less painful."

"Harry is right." Neville agreed, just as Tom's office door opened.

Tom glanced at the four somber friends and raised his eyebrow at them.

"Is there something wrong?" He asked, causing Harry to shake his head.

"No sir," he said. "We were just talking about the war, and all the loss everyone has felt because of it."

"I see, is there anything I can do?" He asked, looking at them with true concern.

"No sir." They chorused.

"Very well then." He said softly. "I just wanted to let you all know that I have dismissed my class a few minutes early because I need to speak with you, Potter. Will the rest of you wait in the classroom please?"

Hermione, Ron, and Neville nodded and began gathering their things, but when they walked out, Tom shut the door.

"So, your detention will be Sunday night, and just to be safe, I'll have you doing lines, or something equally meaningless, just in case Dumbledore decides to hide at the back of the classroom. Which reminds me, can you sense when someone is hiding nearby?" Tom asked curiously.

Harry nodded. "Yeah, which comes in really handy. Since I'm Death, I know where everyone is at any given time. For instance, when she died, Mum chose to become a muggle, but wanted to live in Spain. At this very moment she is sitting in science class at school." He said with a grin.

"And your Dad?" Tom chuckled.

Harry cocked his head to the side and stared at the ceiling for a moment, but then he grinned. "Dad is actually a half-blood living right here in the U.K. His name is Derek Mint, and he will be here during my third year, seeing as he was reborn on November 1, 1981."

"He wouldn't have been eleven on September 1, so he won't be here next year." Tom said absentmindedly.

"Right. It'll be fun. I don't really remember Derek Mint from real reality, but I do know he stayed at the castle for Christmas that year. Dumbledore even spoke to him at dinner. Of course, I was too busy being butt hurt over thinking Sirius was the one who betrayed my parents, so I didn't really pay attention to him. Why do you ask all this?" Harry asked curiously.

"For future reference." Tom said with a mischievous grin, which caused Harry to roll his eyes.

"Anyway." He chuckled as he stood up. "I'll see you tonight, and we can watch Snape's epic rant to the Headmaster."

"That should be amusing." Tom said, as he saw Harry out the door.

All Harry could do was laugh quietly at what was sure to be a highly entertaining evening.

* * *

The rest of the day passed uneventfully, but the Hogwarts rumor mill was working overtime. Between the first year Gryffindors and Slytherins who witnessed what happened in Potions, and the fourth year Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws who heard the retelling, everyone knew what happened by dinner.

This seemed to anger Snape even more, and at dinner that night, he glared at the four friends all throughout the meal. However, since Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Neville were feeling a bit emboldened by the 'protection' of Tom, they all openly glared back at him, which only seemed to further anger the Potions Master.

Tom, who had taken up his seat at the head table, sat right between Snape and Dumbledore without a care in the world, though Dumbledore kept shooting him odd looks from time to time, while glancing nervously at Harry.

Aside from all the hostile glaring, dinner passed with little incident, and it wasn't until later that night, when they were settling into bed, that something finally happened.

Ron was sitting cross legged in his bed, reading a Quidditch magazine, when Peter, who was asleep on his pillow, let out an ear piercing squeal as if he was being tortured.

"Scabbers!" Ron cried, jumping up and scooping up the trembling rat.

Harry just calmly looked over at them, but Neville and Draco, who had been hiding behind his bed curtains, stared at them with wide eyes.

"Blimey, he's shaking like a leaf!" Ron exclaimed, as he held the rat close to his chest in an attempt to comfort him.

"He seems to be all right though." Harry said. "He probably had a bad dream or something."

"Dream?" Ron asked, looking at him as if he were nuts.

"Yeah. Dogs and cats dream. Have you ever watched a dog while they were sleeping?" He asked, but Ron shook his head.

"I have." Draco said with a smirk. "They sometimes tend to whine in their sleep, and every once in a while they will start moving their legs as if they were running."

"Cats do the same thing." Neville offered. "Though they tend to twitch a lot too."

"Scabbers probably dreamt that there was no more cheese in the world or something." Harry said with a wave of his hand. "He is a rat after all."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Ron said skeptically, as he gently laid Peter back down on the pillow. "I'll keep my eye on him though, just in case."

"It's probably a good idea." Neville said with a yawn, as Draco scoffed and disappeared back behind his curtains.

They all settled back down after that, but Harry cast a glance towards Peter, who was staring at him with wide eyes. Peter nodded once, and Harry returned the nod showing that he understood.

Peter had received Tom's confirmation.

* * *

It was just after midnight when Harry's dorm mates fell asleep, so he puffed into an unused classroom to take care of the day's sorting. He got through it in record time, but then he was finally able to puff into Tom's living quarters.

When Harry arrived, Tom was waiting for him with a slight smirk on his face, but Harry grinned as he caught sight of the paused picture on the stone that looked into Dumbledore's office.

"Did you watch it already?" He asked, causing Tom to shake his head.

"No, I was waiting on you. Thankfully I used the charm that allows us to rewind the recordings to certain points."

"Yeah, the fact that the charms and the stones work like a muggle VCR seems appropriate, since the wizarding world is normally  _years_  behind the muggle world in anything that it does." Harry said as he rolled his eyes.

Tom just laughed, but then he tapped the stone with his wand, and they watched as Snape stormed into the Headmaster's office with a bloody face and a furious scowl.

"I want that arrogant, petulant, idiot boy expelled!" He shouted, causing Dumbledore to look up from a parchment he had been reading.

The Headmaster stared at Snape in shock, but then he cleared his throat. "Severus, what happened to…?"

"Potter!" He shouted. "Potter threw his Potions book at my head! He set me up, then he ran straight to the Dark Lord!"

"What!?" Dumbledore exclaimed, as he stood up quickly. "Tell me everything! No, better yet, give me your memory of the entire event. We will use my pensieve."

Snape calmed down enough to pull the memory out of his head, but then they both disappeared when they entered the pensieve.

"Five galleons says Dumbledore will be pissed." Tom said.

"Five galleons says Dumbledore will just dismiss this like he always does." Harry countered.

"Deal." Tom said, and they shook on it.

"I can already hear it." Harry laughed, then he started mimicking Dumbledore's grandfatherly voice. "Now Severus, Harry is just a boy. We are in a very tight position here and you mustn't let your emotions, and your anger for James, get the best of you." He said, causing Tom to chuckle.

"We will see." Tom replied with a smirk, just as Dumbledore and Snape reappeared.

Dumbledore looked pale, but yet thunderous with anger.

"Severus!" He shouted, causing a few things in the office to rattle violently. "How could you do that!?"

"Pay up!" Tom exclaimed happily, causing Harry to glare at him, but then he reached into his pocket and handed Tom the five galleons.

"You watched this already didn't you, you cheater." Harry grumbled, as Tom simply smirked.

"…Tom knows your hatred of the boy, and Tom used this to his own advantage!" Dumbledore continued to shout. "Harry didn't come up with this, Tom did! He sat with Harry and his friends this morning, or don't you remember!? He used BOTH of you for his own gain! You fell for Voldemort's trap, and now he has Harry LOOKING TO HIM FOR PROTECTION!" Dumbledore bellowed, causing several glass cases in his office to explode with force.

"Damn." Harry said, as he stared at the enraged Headmaster with wide eyes. "I didn't know he could get that angry."

Tom just snorted, but they watched as Severus paled rapidly and backed up a few steps. However, Dumbledore wasn't finished yet.

"Your petty hatred for James, and by extension, Harry, has caused the unthinkable. Tom now has Harry looking to him, instead of you, or me for that matter. Tom demonstrated that he is willing to protect Harry and his friends from you, and in one fell swoop, he gained Harry's trust, while alienating the boy from the rest of us! Of all the petty things you could have done!? WHY IN THE NAME OF MERLIN DID YOU TAUNT HIM IN SUCH A FASHION!?" Dumbledore roared, causing more things to explode.

"I-I-I..."

"Silence!" Dumbledore snapped. "Tom played you both like a muggle fiddle, and you walked right into this. I don't want to hear your excuses."

"How does Dumbledore even know what a fiddle is?" Harry asked with confusion. "That's an American expression."

"He's Dumbledore." Tom replied with a shrug. "He's also a member of the ICW, so he's probably picked up sayings from the Americans."

"You have a point." Harry said with a nod, as he continued to watch the recording.

Dumbledore was glaring at Snape and seething with anger, but then he sat down and sighed heavily. It was a few more minutes before Albus calmed down, but Snape just stood there with a blank, emotionless face.

"He's blaming me for him getting yelled at." Harry chuckled as he looked at Snape. "He doesn't even care that it was him who messed up. All he's thinking about is the 'Potter brat' and how I make his life miserable. He won't even own up to the fact that he, mostly, caused this himself."

"I think you might be right." Tom said, as he looked at Severus and laughed. "And given all the hostile glares he was giving you at lunch and dinner, I doubt this will be the last time Dumbledore starts screaming at him."

Harry snorted, but didn't get to saying anything because Dumbledore stood up once again.

"I need to fix this somehow. I need to talk to Harry some time tomorrow."

"Are you going to tell the brat…boy…who the Dark Lord really is?" Snape asked, swallowing hard when Dumbledore glared at him.

"No." Albus replied. "Harry will tell his friends, and they will tell others, and then Hogwarts will be closed down, seeing as parents will jerk their children out faster than you can say 'Merlin'." He said with a sigh. "But I will impress upon Harry that certain people are willing to do him harm, and I will leave strong hints about it being Tom. I will try to reverse the damage you have caused to the best of my ability."

Harry snorted. "If you mention Tom by name, I won't believe it. All little innocent Harry sees is kind, brilliant, protective Professor Riddle verses mean, spiteful, bullying, Death Eater Snape." He said, causing Tom to chuckle loudly. "But then again, little innocent Harry knows that you employed Death Eater Snape, so he probably won't trust you either."

This time Tom burst out laughing, but Harry just grinned at him.

"In the meantime," Dumbledore said with a growl, "You will go out of your way to be nice to Harry and his friends. They know you were a Death Eater, so you will do your best to show that you really have changed. You will attempt to repair the damage you caused, while I do the same. Hopefully it will work, but that remains to be seen."

"Yes Headmaster." Snape said through gritted teeth, but then he turned and swooped out of the Headmaster's office.

Tom tapped the stone with his wand, causing it to jump forward to what was happening at that moment, but all was quiet in the office so he and Harry turned and grinned at each other.

"He's not going to like the fact that he has to kiss my arse." Harry commented, causing Tom to chuckle.

"And something tells me you won't make it easy for him."

"Nope."

"All right Potter, tell me, what's the deal? You respected Snape enough to name your child after him, so why the hostility? That's what I don't understand."

Harry sighed loudly, plopped down in a conjured chair, and gave Tom a tired smile.

"Have you ever heard the expression 'he has an evil soul', 'he has such a good soul', or something similar?" He asked.

"Yes."

"Well, Snape has a grouchy soul. It matters not what life he lives, because he is always the old guy sitting on his porch yelling at kids to get off his grass. By this time in real reality, he had only lived a handful of lives. He wasn't an old soul, but he wasn't a new soul either. This life, being Severus Snape, was one of the most defining lives he has ever lived, and because of that, he is perpetually angry and grouchy. He has lived a few good lives, but sometimes a life can leave an imprint on the soul, and that is what happened to Snape. I've tried to set him up for good lives, but I can't control what actually happens to a soul when they leave the sorting room, so all of Snape's mistakes, choices, and mannerisms is all on him." He said with a sigh, but then he continued.

"To this very day, he hates me. He hates the fact that Harry Bloody Potter is Death, and he is convinced it is some grand colossal conspiracy against his, well, very soul. It's as I said, I have tried to help him, but because he is who he is, he won't change. Sometimes you just can't help people because they don't want to be helped. Snape is one of those people, and he'd rather just be miserable."

"So why make his life worse?" Tom asked.

"Though love." Harry said honestly and much to Tom's confusion, but then he explained. "In real reality, I came to Hogwarts not knowing a bloody thing. I didn't even know I was a wizard until Hagrid told me, and I was treated worse than a house elf at the Dursleys. Aside from you, when I came here Snape made my life hell. I suffered years of spiteful verbal abuse and actions from Snape simply because I look like my Dad. He thought I was James Potter incarnate, and nothing I did ever changed his opinion of me. The  _only_  reason he changed was because you targeted my  _Mum_. Everything he did was for  _her_ , not  _me_ , and while I am grateful that he protected me from you, for her, that alone does  _not_  make up for how he treated me. I might have named Albus after him, but that was only because I wanted to honor Snape and his bravery. I didn't do it because I respected him." He said with a sigh, but then he continued.

"You may have been trying to kill me at every turn, but when I took pity on you and put your soul back together, the first words out of your mouth were 'I am so very sorry', and the next bit was 'thank you for putting me back together'. I knew then that your  _soul_  was good, and that this life, being Voldemort, was not all that you were about." Harry said, as he gave Tom a sincere smile.

"However, when I sorted Snape for the first time after becoming Death, his first words were 'Potter! What the hell are you doing here! It wasn't enough being the famous 'Boy-Who-Lived' so you had to set yourself up to become Death too!?' I knew then that Snape was the same miserable bastard he was in this life. It's as I said, I did try to help him I really did. I didn't send him back as humiliating things like I did with you, or Draco, or even Ron on occasion as a joke, but his choices in whatever life I set him up for just made him miserable. What I'm doing now is simply acting the way he  _thought_  I acted the first time. I'm trying to get him to see the difference, and with a little luck, hopefully I can get him to change."

Tom sighed heavily, but then he finally nodded. "I guess I can understand that. In real reality he came to me pleading, not for your life or James's life, but for Lily's, and Lily's alone. I asked him point blank, 'what about the husband and child', and his exact words to me were 'kill them, I don't care, but please spare her'. I didn't think anything of it, because I knew he fancied her, which despite her muggle born status, I found amusing. I knew they had been friends, because Death Eaters  _do_  talk, and I knew of the falling out between them. I just didn't care."

Harry nodded. "I thought as much. It also shows that if you had targeted the Longbottoms instead of us, Snape wouldn't have changed. After the war, McGonagall once said that my Dad and Sirius gave him hell in school, but she also said that Snape gave as good as he got too. Snape would even start crap with my Dad and Sirius just to try out the spells he invented. His cutting spell, Sectumsempra, was used against my Dad in a confrontation that he and Sirius didn't start. Snape found them out after curfew one night, started taunting them, used it on my Dad, but then stunned Sirius and modified his memory, before healing Dad and obliviating him too. I only know this because Dad told me after he died and I saw him for the first time after I became Death. As a matter of fact, Sirius once told me that Snape entered Hogwarts at eleven knowing more curses than most seventh years, so Snape was not always innocent."

"No, he wasn't." Tom said with a scoff. "He was a Death Eater in every sense of the word. He went on raids, and he tortured innocent men, women, and children. His attitude was 'my life is hell, so I'm going to make others life hell'. It was his unspoken motto I think."

"Mum dying didn't help either." Harry said with a nod. "Snape just turned that bitterness towards you for killing her, and me because I lived and she didn't."

"Well, what do you think he will do once he finds out the truth?" Tom asked, but Harry simply shrugged.

"I don't know, but I do hope, in some small way, that he learns a lesson." Harry said with a sigh. "It's as I said, I'm trying a bit of tough love here, and I hope it doesn't backfire on me. I really don't hate the man, but I don't altogether like him either. I will admit that doing what I'm doing is payback for how he treated me, but I also want to try and help him."

"What about others?" Tom asked curiously. "Lucius, Draco, and Dumbledore, just to name a few."

"Well, Draco is just a snot nosed brat in this life, but he's a good soul and I truly don't have any ill will towards him." Harry chuckled. "He and I actually have a friendly rivalry, much like you and I, so once he learns the truth he's going to laugh hysterically, then try and kill me for placing him in Gryffindor. Lucius on the other hand, is an evil bastard." He said, as he narrowed his eyes. "It doesn't matter what life he lives, he is always vile. Ever since his black soul was born, he's joined every Dark Lord or Lady that has come along, and on a few occasions, he has even _been_  the Dark Lord. I  _will_  break that man."

"Do you think he could become the Dark Lord threat?" Tom asked, giving Harry a worrisome look.

"No." Harry replied as he shook his head. "His soul might be black, but in this life, Lucius Malfoy is a follower not a leader. He is an idiot, and I don't think  _Lucius Malfoy_  has the gonads to take your place, so to speak."

"And Dumbledore?" Tom asked.

Harry cringed, but smiled sheepishly. "I love the man as a grandfather. I truly do, and he is going to be disappointed in me once he finds out the truth, but after a while he will get over it."

Tom chuckled, but then he looked at Harry and smiled. "I'll never be able to do what you do, because I honestly don't know how you do it."

"What?" Harry said as he furrowed his brow.

"You look at their souls, not the actual people."

Harry sighed as he stared at the ceiling, but after a few moments he nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Most souls are good and decent. They go through their lives never raising their hand at, or hating, anyone. They just live their lives and try to be the best person they can be. Each soul is different from the next, but most have that inherent 'goodness' that makes them…normal…if you will. Others though, not so much, because they are just vile, ugly, and cruel."

"Well," Tom said with a sigh. "I look at them as they are now, as they were in this life, and I hate some of them simply for who they are. I will admit though, that there are some I do love. I look out over the great hall and I can see some who have been related to me in past lives, and I love them wholeheartedly, but others? No, just no." He said, waving his hand dismissively.

"Myrtle." Harry said with a smirk, causing Tom to scowl.

"Even though that woman knows who I am, she had the gall to laugh at me today. She made some stupid snide remark about my teaching abilities, then she ran and hid behind Dumbledore. I swear I'm going to kill that woman before the year is out." He growled, as he twisted a fist full of his robes in frustration.

"Ah, puppy love. Isn't it grand?" Harry teased, causing Tom to glare furiously at him.

"I will curse you six ways from Sunday if you ever say that to me again." Tom hissed venomously.

Harry simply chuckled, but then he nodded. "Fair enough my friend." He said, as he stood up. "But I am surprised that you have tolerated the Ravenclaws for this long."

Tom brightened up a bit at that, and he smiled. "They actually are not that bad during this time. They are still annoying know-it-alls, but under Professor Flitwick's eye, they seemed to have changed a bit. They aren't as condescending as they were in my day."

"Tell that to Luna." Harry said with a scowl.

"Oh, there are a few that I will keep my eye on because I see the signs of some bullying, so I'll let you know." Tom replied.

"Good, because making Luna's time here a lot better is one goal I have for next year." Harry said. "But, it's late and I suppose I should go. Besides, with Dumbledore no doubt talking my ear off tomorrow, I'll need some good rest." He added with a yawn.

"Not to mention, we go get Sirius tomorrow night." Tom added with a petulant sigh.

"Indeed." Harry smirked. "By the way, thanks for helping me with Peter. He got the message."

"Not a problem Potter. Goodnight."

"Goodnight my friend." Harry replied, then he puffed away.

Tom sighed as Harry left, but then he chuckled. Watching the conversation between Harry and Dumbledore should prove entertaining, but he was not looking forward to the trip to Azkaban tomorrow. He still didn't understand why Potter couldn't just go and grab Sirius himself, but he was starting to believe that Potter had an ulterior motive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me thinks Harry is up to something! *grins evilly* Anyway, as I said before, Im still trying to build the story, so please be patient. Zany antics and actual action will kick up a notch once Sirius is rescued, so be on the look out for that.
> 
> Anyway, it will be a few weeks before I update again, seeing as I am going to get back to Courage and Cunning, but I will be back soon! Until then, please leave a comment, and thank you so much to all of you who have bookmarked, subscribed, and commented! I love you guys!


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